¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Which country do you think is the best place to travel to? Why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-05-26 1810

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the best place to travel is South Korea and Vietnam, because Korea is very safe.
Korea has many beautiful place and comfortable with transportation.
And Vietnam is very near from our country and very kind, also everything is chip.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Jimmy!

Here's your edited essay. Many thanks for sending it. Please go over the corrections, such as the spelling of the word "cheap" vs "chip". 
 Have a good night there and see you Wednesday! 


Cheers,
Jean~~





                    Which country do you think is the best place to travel to? Why?


I think the best place to travel is South Korea and Vietnam, because Korea is very safe.
>> I think the best places to travel to are South Korea because is very safe, and Vietnam. 

Korea has many beautiful place and comfortable with transportation. 
>> Korea has many beautiful places and comfortable forms of transportation. 

And Vietnam is very near from our country and very kind, also everything is chip.
>> And Vietnam is very near from our country and Vietnamese are very kind. Also, everything is cheap.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136936 Who do you think is the worst superhero? Why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-05 2705
136935 Describe a good memory you had when you were young. ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-04 2747
136934 homework 05.03 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 2971
136933 Complete each sentence using the correct correlative conjunction... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 2
136932 Is dancing a good hobby? Why? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 2693
136931 The best magic performer ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 4469
136930 >> What are your thoughts on Korean dramas or movies? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 1
136929 2024.05.02 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 2611
136928 homework ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 3
136927 2024.05.03 ¼÷Á¦ ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 1
136926 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 3600
136925 Who do you think is the most beautiful person in your counntry? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 3528
136924 If you could live in any historical period, which one would it... ¿À*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 2494
136923 Homework ¼Û*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 2972
136922 Can you think of a time when you had the ideal client? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 1
136921 Why do people have religions? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 1
136920 April 29th\'s homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 2792
136919 May 1st\'s homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 3545
136918 What can we learn from failure? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 2645
136917 Food which I avoid to eat ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-03 4107

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04