¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Which country do you think is the best place to travel to? Why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-05-26 1861

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the best place to travel is South Korea and Vietnam, because Korea is very safe.
Korea has many beautiful place and comfortable with transportation.
And Vietnam is very near from our country and very kind, also everything is chip.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Jimmy!

Here's your edited essay. Many thanks for sending it. Please go over the corrections, such as the spelling of the word "cheap" vs "chip". 
 Have a good night there and see you Wednesday! 


Cheers,
Jean~~





                    Which country do you think is the best place to travel to? Why?


I think the best place to travel is South Korea and Vietnam, because Korea is very safe.
>> I think the best places to travel to are South Korea because is very safe, and Vietnam. 

Korea has many beautiful place and comfortable with transportation. 
>> Korea has many beautiful places and comfortable forms of transportation. 

And Vietnam is very near from our country and very kind, also everything is chip.
>> And Vietnam is very near from our country and Vietnamese are very kind. Also, everything is cheap.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136558 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 2
136557 How do you prioritize spending quality time with your family... À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 1
136556 HOMEWORK FOR 04.19.2024 WRITING TASK: How can you live life to... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 5
136555 advance ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 2839
136554 Every misfortune is a blessing in disguise ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 2833
136553 What kind of people are less likely to suffer from stress or... ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 0
136552 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 3203
136551 If you could change anything about your present home, what would... ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 2542
136550 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 2631
136549 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 1
136548 Operating cafe ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 2619
136547 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 1
136546 What do you think is the best martial art? Why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 1807
136545 What career opportunities are there for the younger generation... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 3311
136544 How do you make new friends? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 2548
136543 How does the cost of living affect people\'s lives? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 2604
136542 homework 04.18 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 2078
136541 What is your favorite bonding with your family? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 2815
136540 Do you consider yourself lucky? Why? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 0
136539 >> Write something about your country\'s capital city. Write at... ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04