¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 06.11

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-06-11 1633

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
How important is it to keep our eyes healthy? Why?

Our body have sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch.
Among them, I think vision is the most important sensor of the body.
I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if this parts problem occurs.
But, our eyes are the weakest body parts.
So we need to do checkups often.
Unfortunately, getting old and usually people get presbyopia and cataracts.
That's why many people do eyes surgery.
So I think it's important do our body checkup for eyes healthy and our healthy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille



~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
How important is it to keep our eyes healthy? Why?


Our body have sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch.
>> Our body has 5 senses: the sense of sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.
Among them, I think vision is the most important sensor of the body.
>> CORRECT!
I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if this parts problem occurs.
>> I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if these parts experience some problems.
But, our eyes are the weakest body parts.
>> But, our eyes are the weakest among the body parts.
So we need to do checkups often.
>> CORRECT!
Unfortunately, getting old and usually people get presbyopia and cataracts.
>> Unfortunately, getting old, people usually get presbyopia and cataracts.
That's why many people do eyes surgery.
>> That's why many people do eye surgeries.
OR >> That's why many people undergo eye surgeries.
So I think it's important do our body checkup for eyes healthy and our healthy.
>> So I think it's important do our body checkup, for our eyes' health and our health in general.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137695 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-09 3
137694 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-09 1708
137693 HOMEWORK ÁÖ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-06-09 1274
137692 Sometimes, simple-ignorant is best ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-08 1918
137691 What are the advantages of reading e-books? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-06-08 0
137690 If you could improve one thing about the place, what would it be? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-06-08 0
137689 Do you think weather affects the way people feel? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-08 0
137688 Which do you enjoy more : earning money or spending money? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-08 1602
137687 shame ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-07 1791
137686 An ideal weekend ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-07 6
137685 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-07 1738
137684 Cars ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-07 1687
137683 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-07 2073
137682 The essay in the coversation with urgent message Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-07 1987
137681 Have you ever played sports on the beach? Which sports have you... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-07 1673
137680 homework ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-06-07 1
137679 Q) In many societies, humility is often regarded as an essential... ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-07 4
137678 homework 06.07 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-06-07 1764
137677 Building a statue ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-07 1605
137676 The cost of living for a month in seoul °í*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-07 1816

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04