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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

HOMEWORK DAY 3

작성자: 김*주
2024-06-13 2167

회원님의 영작문



Increase in national economy is government’s top priority since it closely related with country’s potential development. Specifically, many organizations evaluate the countries’ level of growth by its GDP. Though the scale of country is small, if it has a great figure in GDP, it means the country has authorities in various industries and policies. Specifically, countries can grab a plenty of options to execute new policy and investment to meet the citizen’s needs.

Nevertheless, it is more important to respond to other types of issues and develop the system associated with. As the earth experienced rapid changes more and more complicate issues arise time to time. For example, when COVID-19 spread to the world, we needed extensive support for the field of public health care system, bio chemistry and medicine. Quick judgement to progress in those fields made it possibly terminate the pandemic.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there MIN JU~!^^ It's truly impressive to observe your unwavering passion and dedication in finishing your written assignments! Keep refining your vocabulary prowess even further.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
It is common belief that government should prioritize economy first more than any other political parts to raise national power.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 However, there is a more persuasive argument that other types of progress are sometimes more important because there are also countable issues occurring simultaneously.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
On the one hand, increase in national economy is government’s top priority since it closely related with country’s potential development.
>>> On the one hand, increase in national economy is government’s top priority since [it's] closely related [to] country’s potential development.
OR>>> One of the government's primary objectives is to prioritize the growth of the national economy, as it is intricately linked to the potential advancement of the country.
Specifically, many organizations evaluate the countries’ level of growth by its gross domestic product(GDP).
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Though the scale of country is small, if it has a great figure in GDP, it means the country has lots of authorities in various industries and policies. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Specifically, countries can grab a plenty of options to execute new policy and investment to meet the citizen’s needs.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Therefore, with financial support countries much more likely to be developed in the future.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Nevertheless, it is more important to respond to other types of issues and develop the system associated with.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 As the earth experienced rapid changes more and more complicate issues arise time to time.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 For example, when COVID-19 spread to the world, we needed extensive support for the field of public health care system, bio chemistry and medicine. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Quick judgement to progress in those fields made it possibly terminate the pandemic. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Therefore, it is necessary to always prepare the future issue.
>>> Therefore, it is essential to continually anticipate future challenges.
In conclusion, developing economy is our main goal but sometimes progress in other departments is more important in some special cases such as war, disease and fertility rate. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Governments need to prioritize their goals between economy and other parts.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> Governments must strike a balance in prioritizing their objectives between the economy and other facets.
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