¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Generally, what do kids in Korea want to be when they grow up? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Áø
2024-06-16 2466

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Generally, boys want to be police officer and YouTube creater when they grow up, girls want to be designer and idol when they grow up in Korea.
It maybe they think police officer is cool and right, YouTube creater is funny and rich, designer is charming, idol is pretty

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Yale!

Here's your edited composition. Many thanks for sending it. Please read the corrections made below. Enjoy your evening there! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                Generally, what do kids in Korea want to be when they grow up? Explain your answer.


Generally, boys want to be police officer and YouTube creater when they grow up, girls want to be designer and idol when they grow up in Korea.
>> Generally, boys want to be police officers and YouTube content creators when they grow up whereas girls want to be designers and idols when they grow up in Korea.

It maybe they think police officer is cool and right, YouTube creater is funny and rich, designer is charming, idol is pretty
>> Maybe they think being a police officer is cool and right, being a YouTube creator is fun and rich, being a designer is charming, and being an idol is pretty
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136712 What advice can you give a friend who is suffering from chronic... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-25 3142
136711 Think about vegetarianism and why you think it is not applicable... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-25 3057
136710 What country influences Korean cuisine? ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 2907
136709 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 3079
136708 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1
136707 Which ad is the most memorable to you? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1
136706 homework 04.24 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 4036
136705 How good are you at playing sports? ¹Ú*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 2375
136704 What\'s your greatest strength? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 2145
136703 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1
136702 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 3231
136701 Practicing English ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 2903
136700 When should we decline an invitation? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 4058
136699 What do I hope to achieve the most in the future? ±è* ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 0
136698 Homework ±è*Á¦ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 2672
136697 Do you think you have a healthy eating habit? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 2326
136696 Do you think dogs should not be allowed in parks? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 2975
136695 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 2324
136694 Have you ever talked to a demanding client? How did you handle... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 3
136693 Would you like to visit Sahara desert? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 4931

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04