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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

E-world honorary ambassador

작성자: 임*준
2024-06-19 2293

회원님의 영작문

If you were to recommend an amusement park, which one would you recommend and why?

>>> Although the best amusement park in korea is undoubtedly Everland in Yongin, I inwardly want to recommend E-world in Daegu. At first, there is the tallest gyrodrop in the Korea. Secondly, The whole space size of E-world is really proper. I think that the amusement park of which size is too big is not good to enjoy for a day. The small size is not needed to tell. Everyone can take all the rides in E-world for a day nevertheless there are too many people that day. Thirdly, there are many funny things except for rides. For example, there are ice skate link inside, auditorium, delicious restaurants and tower called "83tower". Fourthly, It is nice to date with love for these reasons. Whatever your purpose( ex. family picnic, date) for visiting the E-world, E-world is the best selection to you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Brian! This sounds great. The tallest gyro drop and its size do sound appealing, especially for a day trip. Plus, having other attractions like an ice skating rink and good dining options makes it versatile. Thanks for the recommendation! ^^
~ Teacher Maxine 

Although the best amusement park in korea is undoubtedly Everland in Yongin, I inwardly want to recommend E-world in Daegu. 
>> Although the best amusement park in Korea is undoubtedly Everland in Yongin, I inwardly want to recommend E-world in Daegu.

At first, there is the tallest gyrodrop in the Korea. 
>> Firstly, there is the tallest gyro drop in Korea.

Secondly, The whole space size of E-world is really proper. 
>> Secondly, the overall size of E-world is quite appropriate.

I think that the amusement park of which size is too big is not good to enjoy for a day. 
>> I think that an amusement park that is too big is not enjoyable for a day.

The small size is not needed to tell. 
>> The small size goes without saying.

Everyone can take all the rides in E-world for a day nevertheless there are too many people that day. 
>> Everyone can experience all the rides in E-world in a day, although there may be too many people on that day.

Thirdly, there are many funny things except for rides. 
>> Thirdly, there are many enjoyable attractions aside from rides.

For example, there are ice skate link inside, auditorium, delicious restaurants and tower called "83tower". 
>> For example, there is an ice skating rink inside, an auditorium, delicious restaurants, and a tower called "83 Tower."

Fourthly, It is nice to date with love for these reasons. 
>> Fourthly, it is a nice place for a romantic date for these reasons.

Whatever your purpose( ex. family picnic, date) for visiting the E-world, E-world is the best selection to you.
>> Whatever your purpose (e.g., family picnic, date) for visiting E-world, E-world is the best choice for you.
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