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How important is beauty in your daily life?

작성자: 김*경
2024-06-24 2024

회원님의 영작문

Beauty always makes me happy. When I see a good-looking person, masterpieces in the art gallery or beautiful nature in rural area, I feel good. Moreover, beauty is sometimes covert inside us, we just can feel it through kind words or behaviors. This kind of beauty also makes me happy as well.
Nowadays, beautiful designs couldn't be more important than ever. Cars, clothes, books, and many things can’t sold without good design. In some sense, good design is not an option but a must. For man, good looking has become one of competitiveness in relationship or business, which led to consensus that plastic surgery is not a taboo as it used to be in a country under the Confucianism which has forbidden people to impair the body from parents for a long time. However, beauty pageant has not be popular in Korea anymore because it had tendency to commercialize women’s beauty in the past. It doesn’t work in a gender-equal society.
In short, beauty has become one of my main interests.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Steve!
I completely agree that beauty in various forms, whether in people, nature, art, or design, has a profound impact on our well-being and happiness. It's fascinating how our appreciation of beauty has evolved, becoming essential in many aspects of life, from personal interactions to business. Your perspective on the significance of beauty is truly insightful. 
~ Trixia

Content:
Beauty always makes me happy.
- CORRECT.
When I see a good-looking person, masterpieces in the art gallery or beautiful nature in rural area, I feel good.
- When I see a good-looking person, masterpieces in the art gallery, or beautiful nature in a rural area, I feel good.
Moreover, beauty is sometimes covert inside us, we just can feel it through kind words or behaviors.
- Moreover, beauty is sometimes hidden inside us; we can just feel it through kind words or behaviors.
This kind of beauty also makes me happy as well.
- This kind of beauty also makes me happy.
Nowadays, beautiful designs couldn't be more important than ever.
- Nowadays, beautiful designs are more important than ever.
Cars, clothes, books, and many things can’t sold without good design.
- Cars, clothes, books, and many other things can't be sold without good design.
In some sense, good design is not an option but a must.
- CORRECT.
For man, good looking has become one of competitiveness in relationship or business, which led to consensus that plastic surgery is not a taboo as it used to be in a country under the Confucianism which has forbidden people to impair the body from parents for a long time.
- For men, being good-looking has become competitive in relationships or business, which led to the consensus that plastic surgery is not as taboo as it used to be in a country under Confucianism, which has forbidden people to impair their bodies from their parents for a long time.
However, beauty pageant has not be popular in Korea anymore because it had tendency to commercialize women’s beauty in the past.
- However, beauty pageants are not popular in Korea anymore because they have had a tendency to commercialize women’s beauty in the past.
It doesn’t work in a gender-equal society.
- CORRECT.
In short, beauty has become one of my main interests.
- CORRECT.
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