¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Describe the decoration of your bedroom.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-07-09 1710

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Many doll and Korean fomous writer's sign are hanging in my bedroom.
There are many books in my room but I have not finished reading the books.
And a picture draw by my mom is hanging on the wall.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Jimmy!

Here's your revised composition fom Monday's homework. Thank you for sending it. Please go over the revisions given below, such as avoiding using the same word in the same sentence. See you later! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                                  

                             Describe the decoration of your bedroom.


Many doll and Korean fomous writer's sign are hanging in my bedroom.
>> Many dolls and Korean famous writers' autographs are hanging in my bedroom.

There are many books in my room but I have not finished reading the books.
>> There are many books in my room but I have not finished reading them yet. 

And a picture draw by my mom is hanging on the wall.
>> And a picture drawn by my mom is hanging on the wall. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137790 q ³ª*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 1623
137789 homework ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 3
137788 Do you set goals to improve yourself? What are they? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 1892
137787 How does stress affect people? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 0
137786 What would you change about your morning routine? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2075
137785 chicken out ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 1
137784 Do you think it\'s a good idea to write your goals down and tick... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2006
137783 Would you rather have a stressful, high-paying job or a relaxed,... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 1982
137782 Knowledge is Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!! À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2013
137781 How do you support others in their goals? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 1941
137780 This is because everyone has different environments and... À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2109
137779 June 10th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2122
137778 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 0
137777 Hobbies reduce our stress and help us feel happy. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2157
137776 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2292
137775 I\'m satisfied with my life now À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2675
137774 My bad habits ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 15
137773 Modern communication tools ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2591
137772 HOMEWORK DAY 2 ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2977
137771 Do you think it\'s smart to complain or get angry at someone who... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04