¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Describe the decoration of your bedroom.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-07-09 1815

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Many doll and Korean fomous writer's sign are hanging in my bedroom.
There are many books in my room but I have not finished reading the books.
And a picture draw by my mom is hanging on the wall.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Jimmy!

Here's your revised composition fom Monday's homework. Thank you for sending it. Please go over the revisions given below, such as avoiding using the same word in the same sentence. See you later! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                                  

                             Describe the decoration of your bedroom.


Many doll and Korean fomous writer's sign are hanging in my bedroom.
>> Many dolls and Korean famous writers' autographs are hanging in my bedroom.

There are many books in my room but I have not finished reading the books.
>> There are many books in my room but I have not finished reading them yet. 

And a picture draw by my mom is hanging on the wall.
>> And a picture drawn by my mom is hanging on the wall. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137143 The short vowel sound [uh] ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2424
137142 Sorry ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2
137141 homework 05.13 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2556
137140 How often do you cry? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2285
137139 What¡¯s the difference between over-the-counter medicine and... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 3719
137138 Tell me about a time in the past at work where you had to deal... õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2907
137137 How was your most recent trip? ¸Í*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 3151
137136 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2980
137135 On balance, do you think that religions have made the world a... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 4183
137134 a noisy neighbor ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1
137133 a pain in the neck ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1
137132 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 0
137131 2024.05.13 ¼÷Á¦ ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1
137130 Homework ¹Ú*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 3259
137129 Is time manament important? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2799
137128 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2980
137127 2024.05.10 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 3576
137126 Page.12 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1
137125 homework Á¶*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1
137124 Have you ever seen a piece of art that affected you strongly?... À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04