¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What is your favorite hobby?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Èñ
2024-07-23 2031

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I have a lot of habby. I like exercise, dance, swimming and watch you tuve. Also I like traveling. Avery day I go to fitness center take a powerrobics class for one hour. This class very exciting. Some times go swimming pool. Last month i went to trip to foreign country. I have the plan travel three or four times a year. Because I aleady retired so I am free. Hahaha

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

 Hi Eva,

Great job on your homework! It sounds like you have many fun hobbies. Exercise, dancing, swimming, and traveling are all wonderful ways to stay active and enjoy life. Your power aerobics class sounds exciting, and traveling three or four times a year must be very interesting. It must be wonderful to have the freedom to explore and do what you love after retirement. And although you do write well, here are a few tips for you to improve. First, check spelling and grammar to ensure words are spelled correctly and proper grammar is used. For example, "hobby" instead of "habby," and "already" instead of "aleady." Use complete sentences with a subject and a verb, like "Every day I go to the fitness center and take a power aerobics class for one hour." Stay consistent with tenses, such as "Last month, I went on a trip to a foreign country" instead of "Last month I went to trip to foreign country." Finally, organize your thoughts by grouping similar ideas together, such as discussing your exercise hobbies in one part and your travel experiences in another.

Keep enjoying your hobbies and exploring new activities!

 

I have a lot of habby.

>>I have a lot of hobbies.

I like exercise, dance, swimming and watch you tuve.

>>I like to exercise, dance, swim and watch YouTube.

Also I like traveling.

>>Also, I like traveling.

Avery day I go to fitness center take a powerrobics class for one hour.

>>Every day, I go to the fitness center to take a power aerobics class for one hour.

This class very exciting.

>>This class is very exciting.

Some times go swimming pool.

>>Sometimes I go to the swimming pool.

Last month i went to trip to foreign country.

>>I went to a foreign country last month.

I have the plan travel three or four times a year.

>>I plan to travel three or four times a year.

Because I aleady retired so I am free. Hahaha

>>Because I am already retired so I am free. Hahaha

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139483 The most frightening disease ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 2543
139482 If you had a magic wallet that could instantly provide anything... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 1961
139481 what did you do at a cafe? ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 4
139480 . ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-08-27 3
139479 Should exams be so important that they can determine a... ¸Í*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 2125
139478 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 1
139477 Homework È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 3
139476 Write about a time when you had to work in a team. ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 2265
139475 Do you have a hobby that you enjoy under the sun? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 2911
139474 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 2
139473 Homework ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 2416
139472 Hi sharon ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 1
139471 Do you like being at home alone? Why or why not? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 2241
139470 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 2538
139469 A Recent Experience of Apology ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 2235
139468 8/26(Mon) homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 2055
139467 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 0
139466 What is the meaning of \"give and take\"? What does this mean to... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 2125
139465 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 0
139464 Do you sometimes compete with your friends? In what way? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 2045

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04