¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-07-24 2617

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, Changwon is the city with the best weather.
It is located in the south of Korea.that's why there's a lot of warm wind.
But it's not cold either.And it is near Jinhae, where the sea is famous. So it is not too hot compared to Daegu.
It's rare that the weather is bad because there are many walking trails with trees.
I moved a lot because of my dad's job. But there's no better place to live than Changwon.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



I'm sending you another corrected essay, Mi Jin!  I appreciate your sending it. Please go over the corrections and alternative expressions provided.

By the way, do you mind adding the homework essay question under the Title section? Many thanks. Good night!

Cheers,
Jean~~



                                  Which region of your country has the best weather? What is it like there?


In my opinion, Changwon is the city with the best weather.
>> OR: Personally, I think Changwon has the best weather. 

It is located in the south of Korea.that's why there's a lot of warm wind.
>> It's located in the southern part of the country that's why there's a lot of warm wind. 

But it's not cold either. 
>> CORRECT~~

And it is near Jinhae, where the sea is famous. So it is not too hot compared to Daegu.
>> And it is near Jinhae, where the sea is famous, which is why it's not too hot compared to Daegu.

It's rare that the weather is bad because there are many walking trails with trees.
>> The weather is rarely bad because there are many walking trails with trees.

I moved a lot because of my dad's job. But there's no better place to live than Changwon.
>> I moved a lot because of my dad's job, but there's no better place to live than Changwon.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140099 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2
140098 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 1791
140097 Topic: Does your country have a good education system? ¹Ú*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2276
140096 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2634
140095 How is a mistake different from an error? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2092
140094 If you had to teach a class for a day, what would you teach and... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2563
140093 september.25 ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2432
140092 Would you rather drive your car or use public transportation?... ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2449
140091 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2550
140090 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 0
140089 What do you think is the smallest marine mammal? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2633
140088 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 0
140087 whenever I hear the expression \"unique\", I come to~ ÀÌ*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 1
140086 The three adjectives best describe my favorite food are ÀÌ*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2
140085 In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2116
140084 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2083
140083 share ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 0
140082 What kind of organization are you dreaming of creating? ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 1910
140081 Among people who you are not related to, who has helped you most... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-26 2267
140080 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-25 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04