¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why music is a cultural activity

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-07-29 1619

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Music can gather people who enjoy same genre of music, especially K-POP.
Many K-POP fans make their own cultures. I want to introduce some of them.
First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take a pictures when they meet another K-POP fans.
Second, they recommend famous restaurant at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists. Because they want their artists visit there.
(Sometimes I had help from those hashtag when I visited another city!)
Also, K-POP fans make a "Pilgrimage", visiting favorite artist's hometown.

Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fan can make their own culture!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Min!

Collectively, music gathers people all around the world for one purpose-to enjoy music at its finest. BTS have done this before similarly with the world's renowned artists like Taylor Swift. What would life be without music? 

Here on your example, music is not only a culture that people enjoy but also a shared experience right after enjoying music in terms of places, food, and other activities and hobbies derived from famous musicians. This is a perfect example of how music can influence our lives and the next generation.

This culture will change and have its own unique experiences over time and that is why music is our culture and way of life.

Below are some underlined words and their suggested form for you to study. Your mistakes are very few and in time, I am sure you will perfect all these grammar patters. Overall, you wrote a very good composition!

See you in class!

-T. Donna~

Music can gather people who enjoy same genre of music, especially K-POP.
>> Music can gather people who enjoy the same genre, especially K-POP.

Many K-POP fans make their own cultures. I want to introduce some of them.
>> Correct!

First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take a pictures when they meet another K-POP fans.
>> First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take pictures when they meet other K-POP fans.

Second, they recommend famous restaurant at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists. Because they want their artists visit there.
>> Second, they recommend famous restaurants at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists because they want their artists to visit there.

(Sometimes I had help from those hashtag when I visited another city!)
>> Correct!

Also, K-POP fans make a "Pilgrimage", visiting favorite artist's hometown.
>> Correct!

Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fan can make their own culture!
>> Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fans can make their own culture!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137843 Is it hard to apologize? How do you apologize to someone? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 2075
137842 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 2230
137841 Many governments think that economic progress is their most... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1600
137840 When do you feel most energized? What do you like to do with... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 2445
137839 If animals could speak, what do you think they would say to... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 2163
137838 HOMEWORK FOR 06.14.2024 WRITING TASK: What are the qualities of... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 3
137837 Are beauty standards like in your home country different to the... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 2286
137836 Procrastinating something ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1955
137835 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1815
137834 Have you ever tried complaining at a restaurant? Why? ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 2167
137833 Page.56 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 0
137832 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 3
137831 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 0
137830 What are the marriage customs in your country? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 1741
137829 What was the most thrilling thing you\'ve ever done? Explain. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 2465
137828 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 0
137827 What do you think is the best job in the world? Explain. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 2179
137826 Friends ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 1550
137825 When was the last time that you had a wonderful time? Write... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 2163
137824 What are the things you\'re sorry for recently? Write at least... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 3334

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04