¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-07-29 2287

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What are your thoughts on the Korean tradition in which the wives of the first sons have to take charge of preparations for family rituals, such as ancestral worship on Chuseok?



it's unfailr women have to prepare alone.
Honestly, I think it's unfair. There's so much to do on the holidays.That's why women get sensitive coming on holidays.
When the holidays come, Korean women should go grocery shopping at the mart and make food two days ago.
plus we set up a table and hold a memorial service. When men eat after the ritual, they clean the table and wash the dishes.
That's why women travel abroad instead of holding ancestral rites these days. i want men have to help us a little .

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Mi Jin!

I'm sending your corrected essay homework. I appreciate your sending it. Please go over the corrections and alternative expressions provided.

Also, thank you for using the correct title for your homework. Speak to you tomorrow! 

Cheers,
Jean~~




                 What are your thoughts on the Korean tradition in which the wives of the first sons have to take charge of preparations for family rituals, such as ancestral worship on Chuseok?



it's unfailr women have to prepare alone.
>> It's unfair to women because they have to prepare everything by themselves. 

Honestly, I think it's unfair. 
>> CORRECT~~

There's so much to do on the holidays.
>> There's so much to do on holidays, such as Chuseok in particular. 

That's why women get sensitive coming on holidays.
>> That's why women become sensitive when holidays are approaching. 

When the holidays come, Korean women should go grocery shopping at the mart and make food two days ago.
>> When the holidays come, Korean women should go grocery shopping at the mart and make food two days early.

plus we set up a table and hold a memorial service. When men eat after the ritual, they clean the table and wash the dishes.
>> Plus, we set up a table and arrange a memorial service. When men eat after the ritual, they clean the table and wash the dishes.

That's why women travel abroad instead of holding ancestral rites these days. i want men have to help us a little .
>> OR: That's why women travel abroad instead of holding ancestral rites these days. Hence, I hope men can give women a hand on these occasions. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138122 What historical sites did you visit and what did you learn? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-27 2012
138121 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-27 1484
138120 25.Jun.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-27 0
138119 After being through challenges ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-27 2276
138118 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-27 1763
138117 26.Jun.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-27 0
138116 What do you spend most of your money on? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 2279
138115 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 1726
138114 How important is it for you to get the vacant position at the... È£*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 1
138113 Is mental health more important than physical health? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 1725
138112 The Difficult thing about learning english ÀÌ*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 2155
138111 °úÁ¦ ¹Ú*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 1889
138110 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 0
138109 Aspect of fate ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 1767
138108 2024.06.26 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 1
138107 Do you think buffet restaurants are worth their price? Why or... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 2463
138106 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 1968
138105 What kind of roommate do you want to have ? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 0
138104 eavesdrop ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 0
138103 Are you good at self-motivation? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-26 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04