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The positive side of teen\'s curfew

작성자: 손*희
2024-07-30 2558

회원님의 영작문

I'm Hana presenting the positive side of teen's curfew. If you are teen, do you have a curfew? If you have, are you satisfied with it? I think curfew is not only familiar with teens but also loathe. However, I think the curfew should exist because of lots of reasons.
First, curfew can protect teens from several crimes. Do you know the terrible crime incident in Korea which is called "Senseless Crime"? it is serious problem in Korea. Teens are exposed at this easily. So, if curfew applies for teens, the victim of crime incident will decrease.
Second, teens should learn discipline that they should obey in society. In society over the world, the discipline is natural for member of society. And I think the curfew is first step of discipline. If teens have a curfew, they will know why they should obey the rules and become easy to protect various rules in the world.
As you know, teens are very important members to maintain this society. So, we should protect them by using curfew.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Hana! Thank you for this well-thought out response to the question. The world has become so dangerous that stricter rules become necessary to protect not only the youth, but humanity in general. Let us contribute to a safer society by doing our part of obeying rules. Let's talk again soon. See you!
--Teacher Anji


I'm Hana presenting the positive side of teen's curfew.
>> CORRECT
 If you are teen, do you have a curfew? 
>> CORRECT
If you have, are you satisfied with it?
>> CORRECT
 I think curfew is not only familiar with teens but also loathe. 
>>  I think curfew is not only familiar with teens but also among adults.
However, I think the curfew should exist because of lots of reasons.
>> CORRECT
OR >> However, I think curfew should exist for various reasons. 
First, curfew can protect teens from several crimes. 
>> CORRECT
Do you know the terrible crime incident in Korea which is called "Senseless Crime"? 
>> CORRECT
OR >> Do you know the terrible crime in Korea called the 'Senseless Crimes"?
it is serious problem in Korea. 
>> It is a serious problem in Korea. 
Teens are exposed at this easily.
>> CORRECT
OR >> Teens are vulnerable to this. 
So, if curfew applies for teens, the victim of crime incident will decrease.
>> So, if curfew is applied to teens, the victims of crime incidents will decrease.
Second, teens should learn discipline that they should obey in society. 
>> Second, teen should learn discipline and obey the rules in the society.
In society over the world, the discipline is natural for member of society. 
>> In societies all over the world. discipline among members is natural.
And I think the curfew is first step of discipline. 
>> And I think curfew is the first step of discipline. 
If teens have a curfew, they will know why they should obey the rules and become easy to protect various rules in the world.
>> If teens have curfews, they will know why they should obey the rules, hence, making it  easy to protect the various rules in the world.
As you know, teens are very important members to maintain this society. 
>> CORRECT
So, we should protect them by using curfew.
>> CORRECT

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