무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What is the good management?

작성자: 문*현
2024-08-14 2579

회원님의 영작문

There are various traits of good management. The one is to protect the team. The manager must bring empathetic behavior and forge personal bonds to team members. I believe this will enables foster long-term relationship and lower attrition rate. One of the team in my company is suffering from manager lacking this characteristic. The manager offered high salary and position to new hire with relevant experience which later turned out to be a lie. New joiner accused the team as harassment and manager could not take further action and eventually protected the new joiner. This led the team to regard the manager is prioritizing new joiner. Eventually, many long serving and knowledgeable team members have either decided or planned to leave. It is important that no one in a company is mistreated, so manager need to listen to every member’s voice. However, it is equally important to protect the team under trust based relationship.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thanks for this Aciel. I think your manager is kind for biased or pities the newly hired employee. However, the manager needs to be fair and be objective about the situation. If it is true that the new employee lied about her qualifications, the manager should address this concern too. That's too bad to know. I hope they could meet half-way in dealing with this issue. 

There are various traits of good management. 
>>> correct  
The one is to protect the team. 
>>>  OR: The first one is to protect the team.
>>> OR: One is to protect the team. 
The manager must bring empathetic behavior and forge personal bonds to team members. 
>>> OR: The manager must initiate empathetic behavior and forge personal bonds between team members.  
I believe this will enables foster long-term relationship and lower attrition rate. 
>>>  I believe this will enable fostering long-term relationships and lowers attrition rate. 
One of the team in my company is suffering from manager lacking this characteristic. 
>>>  One of the team in my company is suffering from the manager lacking this characteristic.  
>>> OR: One of the teams in my company is suffering due to the manager lacking this characteristic.  
The manager offered high salary and position to new hire with relevant experience which later turned out to be a lie. 
>>>  The manager offered a high salary and position to a new hire/recruit with relevant experience which later turned out to be a lie.  
New joiner accused the team as harassment and manager could not take further action and eventually protected the new joiner. 
>>>  The new joiner accused the team of harassment and the manager could not take further action and eventually protected the new joiner. 
This led the team to regard the manager is prioritizing new joiner. 
>>>  This led the team to regard the manager as prioritizing the new joiner.  
Eventually, many long serving and knowledgeable team members have either decided or planned to leave. 
>>>  correct   
It is important that no one in a company is mistreated, so manager need to listen to every member’s voice. 
>>> It is important that no one in a company is mistreated, so a manager needs to listen to every member’s voice/side.   
However, it is equally important to protect the team under trust based relationship.
>>>  correct  
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
140609 homework 신*린 완료 2024-10-24 1955
140608 Home work 신*라 완료 2024-10-24 1709
140607 Some people say that humans are scarier than the most dangerous... 차*진 완료 2024-10-24 2072
140606 Homework 오*현 완료 2024-10-24 2
140605 23oct2024 homework 김*라 완료 2024-10-24 1936
140604 There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples... 박*식 완료 2024-10-24 2049
140603 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-10-24 1
140602 Do you believe that if you help someone, something good will... 한*연 완료 2024-10-24 2054
140601 What are the benefits of eating three eggs a day for you? 이*훈 완료 2024-10-24 2047
140600 What would happen if we all woke up tomorrow and couldn’t speak? 박*은 완료 2024-10-24 1958
140599 does obtaining an award at school matter? 최*연 완료 2024-10-24 2100
140598 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-10-24 2004
140597 What is the importance of family? 최*영 완료 2024-10-24 0
140596 About my son 구*정 완료 2024-10-24 2
140595 What tourist place in your country have you not visited but... 이*범 완료 2024-10-24 7
140594 Do you have any family heirlooms or items passed down through... 임*미 완료 2024-10-24 1943
140593 23.Oct.2024 김*정 완료 2024-10-24 1
140592 homework 이*숙 완료 2024-10-23 2045
140591 Have you ever had to step in and help during a difficult time... 신*규 완료 2024-10-23 2258
140590 Why is it important to follow guidelines and principles? 이*희 완료 2024-10-23 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]