¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*¿ì
2024-08-16 2898

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q: What are the sacrifices that people with ambitions should make?
A: I think it's their health and their time.
Since they need to work more than others, they can't have enough rest, so their mental and physical health would go worse.
Also, they need to grind a lot of time to achieve their goals,

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Paul!

Thank you for doing your homework.

~T. Divina^^

Here are some corrections:

1. I think it's their health and their time.
>>CORRECT!

2. Since they need to work more than others, they can't have enough rest, so their mental and physical health would go worse.
>>Since they need to work more than the others, they couldn't have enough rest, so their mental and physical health could go worse.

3. Also, they need to grind a lot of time to achieve their goals.
>>Also, they need to grind for a lot of time to achieve their goals.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138049 How do you encourage others to follow good habits or practices? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2351
138048 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 1
138047 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 0
138046 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 0
138045 How important is beauty in your daily life? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2205
138044 2024.06.24 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2
138043 How do you encourage others to follow good habits or practices? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2385
138042 What have you learned from past failures? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2537
138041 2024.06.21 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2188
138040 Do you think buffet restaurants are worth their price? Why or... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2011
138039 Have you ever helped a neighbor? What happened? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2509
138038 Do you wish you you were younger or older? Why? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2473
138037 Is there a difference between being thin and being healthy?... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2058
138036 Do you think people feel different when they wear different... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2861
138035 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 1
138034 Q) What kind of people do you like to be friends with on social... ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2469
138033 2024.06.24 ¼÷Á¦ ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2
138032 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2162
138031 Our trait is predetermined before being born? À±* ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2561
138030 HOMEWORK FOR 06.19.2024 WRITING TASK: What do you consider when... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04