¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*¿ì
2024-08-16 2920

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q: What are the sacrifices that people with ambitions should make?
A: I think it's their health and their time.
Since they need to work more than others, they can't have enough rest, so their mental and physical health would go worse.
Also, they need to grind a lot of time to achieve their goals,

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Paul!

Thank you for doing your homework.

~T. Divina^^

Here are some corrections:

1. I think it's their health and their time.
>>CORRECT!

2. Since they need to work more than others, they can't have enough rest, so their mental and physical health would go worse.
>>Since they need to work more than the others, they couldn't have enough rest, so their mental and physical health could go worse.

3. Also, they need to grind a lot of time to achieve their goals.
>>Also, they need to grind for a lot of time to achieve their goals.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137782 Knowledge is Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!! À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2099
137781 How do you support others in their goals? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2047
137780 This is because everyone has different environments and... À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2172
137779 June 10th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2263
137778 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 0
137777 Hobbies reduce our stress and help us feel happy. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2252
137776 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2404
137775 I\'m satisfied with my life now À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2827
137774 My bad habits ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 15
137773 Modern communication tools ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2747
137772 HOMEWORK DAY 2 ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 3075
137771 Do you think it\'s smart to complain or get angry at someone who... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2
137770 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2189
137769 What can you say about the current Ma Dong-seok movie titled... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2105
137768 Share your movie review of the most recent movie you have seen ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2483
137767 What is the difference between friendship and \'kinship\' (blood... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2598
137766 What are some traditional party games in your country? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2804
137765 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2969
137764 The important thing when buying something À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2394
137763 No need for charity? ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-12 2817

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04