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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Q) Are you looking forward to your retirement?

작성자: 최*영
2024-08-30 2004

회원님의 영작문

No. I am not. To be honesty, I am worried about living after retirement. It is a well-known fact that Korea have experienced an unprecedented low birth rate. It means that there will be insufficient workers in the near future. Considering the national pension system which is the economic term “pay-as-you-go”, governments usually collect money from the current workers, and then distribute it to pensioners. Therefore, fewer young generation results in fewer workers, leading to high uncertainty of my pension after retirement. Moreover, I am worried about social circle after retirement since I am still single. I prefer to get married to a man who is compatible with me, but nobody knows it would be possible or not. If I were getting older alone, I must feel isolated and alienated. In conclusion, I am quite pessimistic about life after quitting a job when it comes to financial stability and emotional stability.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Ms. Mika! I understand your concerns about retirement, especially given Korea's low birth rate and the challenges with the national pension system. It’s natural to worry about financial and emotional stability.
~T. Jenna

No. I am not.  To be honesty, I am worried about living after retirement. 
>>No, I am not. To be honest, I am worried about life after retirement.
It is a well-known fact that Korea have experienced an unprecedented low birth rate. 
>>It is a well-known fact that Korea has experienced an unprecedented low birth rate.
It means that there will be insufficient workers in the near future. 
Correct, or
>>This suggests that we could face a dwindling workforce in the near future.
Considering the national pension system which is the economic term “pay-as-you-go”, governments usually collect money from the current workers, and then distribute it to pensioners. 
Correct, or
>>Given the national pension system, which functions under the 'pay-as-you-go' economic model or principle, governments generally collect contributions from the current workforce and subsequently allocate these funds to pensioners.
Therefore, fewer young generation results in fewer workers, leading to high uncertainty of my pension after retirement. 
Correct, or
>>Therefore, a shrinking younger generation results in a reduced workforce, creating considerable uncertainty regarding the stability of my pension post-retirement.
Moreover, I am worried about social circle after retirement since I am still single. 
Correct, or
>>Furthermore, I am apprehensive about my social network after retirement, particularly given my current single status.
I prefer to get married to a man who is compatible with me, but nobody knows it would be possible or not. 
>>I prefer to marry a man who is compatible with me, but nobody knows whether it will be possible or not.
OR
>>I’d like to marry someone who’s a good match for me, but it’s uncertain whether that will actually happen.
If I were getting older alone, I must feel isolated and alienated. 
Correct, or
>>If I were to age alone, I would likely feel solitary and estranged.
In conclusion, I am quite pessimistic about life after quitting a job when it comes to financial stability and emotional stability.
Correct, or
>>In conclusion, I’m quite downbeat about life after quitting a job, especially when it comes to financial and emotional stability.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
142004 Homework 김*님 완료 2025-01-16 1424
142003 How do you perceive failure? 박*진 완료 2025-01-16 1540
142002 What activity do you want to squeeze into your routine? 박*진 완료 2025-01-16 1573
142001 Homework 김*우 완료 2025-01-15 2
142000 What is the best thing about your job? 이*윤 완료 2025-01-15 1819
141999 What’s something you’ve been meaning to buy but haven’t... 오*영 완료 2025-01-15 1501
141998 June_homework 어*주 완료 2025-01-15 1
141997 Do you have friends from a culture or country different from... 신*규 완료 2025-01-15 1691
141996 Homework 신*라 완료 2025-01-15 1614
141995 I don\'t want to be a firefighter. 유*빈 완료 2025-01-15 1430
141994 I always remind myself the Three things 김*우 완료 2025-01-15 2
141993 The homework of 14th Jan. 조*호 완료 2025-01-15 1598
141992 What’s the most memorable family gathering you’ve attended? 임*미 완료 2025-01-15 2228
141991 01/15 homework 권*민 완료 2025-01-15 1473
141990 Train 민*정 완료 2025-01-15 1
141989 Is there any movie that you saw that you didn\'t like at all? 이*준 완료 2025-01-15 1438
141988 What first inspired your passion for playing the violin? 노*철 완료 2025-01-15 1838
141987 What qualities do you admire most in your son? 오*영 완료 2025-01-15 1547
141986 What is a happy memory from your childhood with your family? 송*자 완료 2025-01-15 2
141985 Homework 이*숙 완료 2025-01-15 1563

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