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What is the biggest change this world needs?

작성자: 이*윤
2024-09-04 2952

회원님의 영작문

It's good to have technologically advanced developments, but the part that needs the biggest change is the thinking part.
That's why I think the world needs the ability to think flexibly.
Objectively, Korea is a country where stereotypes and prejudices are prevalent.
The Coufucial culture part has traditionally bees spread and the educational part has had an impact, but it needs to be rejusted.
It is said that many stereotypes and prejudices have disappeared now, but the ability to think flexibly seems to be relatively lacking.
My personal opinion is that if the ability to think flexibly develops, technologically progressive development will also preceed rapidly, and a new world will unfold socially.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Yun!
I appreciate you giving your thoughts on the subject at hand. Keep doing the good homework :)
Chammy
It's good to have technologically advanced developments, but the part that needs the biggest change is the thinking part.
OR
>>Technological advancements are great, but the most important aspect that needs to be changed is how we think.
That's why I think the world needs the ability to think flexibly.
Objectively, Korea is a country where stereotypes and prejudices are prevalent.
>>Correct
The Coufucial culture part has traditionally bees spread and the educational part has had an impact, but it needs to be rejusted.
>> Confucian culture has traditionally spread, and education has had an impact, but it needs to be adjusted.
It is said that many stereotypes and prejudices have disappeared now, but the ability to think flexibly seems to be relatively lacking.
OR
>>Many stereotypes and prejudices are believed to have been eliminated, but the ability to think flexibly appears to be absent.
My personal opinion is that if the ability to think flexibly develops, technologically progressive development will also preceed rapidly, and a new world will unfold socially.
>>My personal opinion is that if the ability to think flexibly develops, technologically progressive development will also proceed rapidly, and a new world will unfold socially
OR
>>My point of view is that as the ability to think flexibly grows, technologically advanced development will accelerate, and a new world will emerge socially.
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