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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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What are your retirement plans?

작성자: 김*경
2024-09-23 1883

회원님의 영작문

Right after retirement of some years before it, I want to run my own business concerning my major or my job that I have had particularly about managing facilities. So I need to get more licenses to get qualified to run my business. So I hope that I can work until the age of 80 with my own business.

Of preparation for retirement, I believe that well-prepared plan for life after retirement will lead to happy life in old age. Fortunately, there are more young people to start preparing for lives after retirement early unlike my father’s generation who is sure to be main characters who made Korea what it is now, but they unfortunately prepared for their retirement. They didn’t have any policy or budget to help them get ready for their retirement. They just worked and worked for their families, hoping for better country. Without their efforts and sacrifice, we can't live a life that we can enjoy. I think our government need to think about how to help and support their old age economically.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Yeong!
It's nice to hear that ew have retirement plans and I would have to agree with you in your second paragraph that young people these days are being oriented on how important to prepare for their future and their retirement.
I hope that they will not ignore the importance of this.
Have a great day!
Aki~


Right after retirement of some years before it, I want to run my own business concerning my major or my job that I have had particularly about managing facilities.
>>>  Right after retirement for some years before it, I want to run my own business concerning my major or my job that I have had particularly about managing facilities.

So I need to get more licenses to get qualified to run my business. So I hope that I can work until the age of 80 with my own business.
>>> CORRECT!

Of preparation for retirement, I believe that well-prepared plan for life after retirement will lead to happy life in old age.
>>> In preparation for retirement, I believe that a well-prepared plan for life after retirement will lead to a happy life in old age.

Fortunately, there are more young people to start preparing for lives after retirement early unlike my father’s generation who is sure to be main characters who made Korea what it is now, but they unfortunately prepared for their retirement.
>>> Fortunately, there are more young people to start preparing for lives after retirement early unlike my father’s generation who is sure to be the main character who made Korea what it is now, but they unfortunately prepared for their retirement.

They didn’t have any policy or budget to help them get ready for their retirement. They just worked and worked for their families, hoping for a better country.
>>> CORRECT!

Without their efforts and sacrifice, we can't live a life that we can enjoy. I think our government needs to think about how to help and support their old age economically.
>>> CORRECT!

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