¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good id

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2024-09-26 1808

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think It is not good idea. I met the friends that have done part time job for 5 years or more. They seem like having poor education and not enjoying their student life. I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy happy time with friends. However, If they have jobs earlier time compared with friends, they can lost their personal life easily.
Therefore, I think that to have jobs in early age is not good way.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Betty!
Thank you for highlighting your points through this composition. I hope you keep on doing a good homework.
Chammy

I think It is not good idea. 
>> I think It is not a good idea. 
I met the friends that have done part time job for 5 years or more. 
>> I met friends who have done part-time jobs for 5 years or more. 
They seem like having poor education and not enjoying their student life. 
>>  They seem to have a poor education and unhappy student life.
I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy happy time with friends.
>> I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy a happy time with friends.
However, If they have jobs earlier time compared with friends, they can lost their personal life easily.
However, if they have jobs at an earlier time compared to their friends, they can easily lose their personal lives.
Therefore, I think that to have jobs in early age is not good way.
>> Therefore, I think that having jobs at an early age is not a good idea.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142104 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 3
142103 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 947
142102 Why do you prefer white wine over red wine? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 890
142101 What is the most expensive thing you¡¯ve ever bought for yourself ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 993
142100 What would you do if you had more free time? Á¶*¸í ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 8
142099 What are you most excited about for your upcoming trip? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 957
142098 Where do you want to go on your next vacation? Why? ÀÓ*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1063
142097 Which do you think is more beautiful, the sunrise or the sunset? ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1011
142096 All my storys ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1263
142095 Why I felt sometimes homework is hard to finish? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1
142094 Should we take care of the elderly at home or put them in... ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1016
142093 What are your thoughts on the politics in your country? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1445
142092 What would you do if you lost the thing you borrowed? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1004
142091 landmark ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 3
142090 How can you be a useful member of society? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 987
142089 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1093
142088 Homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1010
142087 Do you like watching the sunset? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1
142086 What is the best food to eat when you are sick? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1018
142085 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1081

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04