¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good id

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2024-09-26 1777

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think It is not good idea. I met the friends that have done part time job for 5 years or more. They seem like having poor education and not enjoying their student life. I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy happy time with friends. However, If they have jobs earlier time compared with friends, they can lost their personal life easily.
Therefore, I think that to have jobs in early age is not good way.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Betty!
Thank you for highlighting your points through this composition. I hope you keep on doing a good homework.
Chammy

I think It is not good idea. 
>> I think It is not a good idea. 
I met the friends that have done part time job for 5 years or more. 
>> I met friends who have done part-time jobs for 5 years or more. 
They seem like having poor education and not enjoying their student life. 
>>  They seem to have a poor education and unhappy student life.
I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy happy time with friends.
>> I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy a happy time with friends.
However, If they have jobs earlier time compared with friends, they can lost their personal life easily.
However, if they have jobs at an earlier time compared to their friends, they can easily lose their personal lives.
Therefore, I think that to have jobs in early age is not good way.
>> Therefore, I think that having jobs at an early age is not a good idea.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139309 Do you sometimes compete with your friends? In what way? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 2079
139308 What are your usual food cravings? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 2
139307 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 1497
139306 befriend ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 1
139305 Do you think students in Korea are given enough credit for their... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 0
139304 What is the most important item do you have? Why? ¾È*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 5
139303 What\'s your weakness? ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 12
139302 why Air Arabia? ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 10
139301 hobby ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 9
139300 What do you do? ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 9
139299 Writing task: Is it important to do some stretching in the... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 1645
139298 Writing task: Do you believe dreams have a special meaning? Why... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 2074
139297 Fake news ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 2370
139296 Writing task: What do you think are the disadvantages of getting... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 2379
139295 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 2137
139294 success ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 1657
139293 appearance is not important maybe ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 1875
139292 Do you always believe what people tell you? Why or why not? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 1870
139291 How do you decide on your travel destinations? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 1636
139290 Is the traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 1700

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04