¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good id

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2024-09-26 1919

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think It is not good idea. I met the friends that have done part time job for 5 years or more. They seem like having poor education and not enjoying their student life. I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy happy time with friends. However, If they have jobs earlier time compared with friends, they can lost their personal life easily.
Therefore, I think that to have jobs in early age is not good way.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Betty!
Thank you for highlighting your points through this composition. I hope you keep on doing a good homework.
Chammy

I think It is not good idea. 
>> I think It is not a good idea. 
I met the friends that have done part time job for 5 years or more. 
>> I met friends who have done part-time jobs for 5 years or more. 
They seem like having poor education and not enjoying their student life. 
>>  They seem to have a poor education and unhappy student life.
I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy happy time with friends.
>> I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy a happy time with friends.
However, If they have jobs earlier time compared with friends, they can lost their personal life easily.
However, if they have jobs at an earlier time compared to their friends, they can easily lose their personal lives.
Therefore, I think that to have jobs in early age is not good way.
>> Therefore, I think that having jobs at an early age is not a good idea.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143017 horror movies ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 1
143016 2025.03.11 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 673
143015 fear ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 2
143014 How do you feel about animals despite having an allergy? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 713
143013 3/12 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 1
143012 Homwork☺️ ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 704
143011 My husband ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 2
143010 Homework Á¤*¼Á ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 780
143009 We all have those moments when we feel like a VIP, whether it\'s... ÀÌ*Áß ¿Ï·á 2025-03-12 1
143008 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-12 745
143007 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-12 730
143006 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-12 702
143005 Do you believe in ghosts? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-12 627
143004 What is your opinion about a person having a laid-back character? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-03-12 659
143003 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-12 682
143002 How does regular physical activity benefit mental health and... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-03-12 758
143001 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-12 2
143000 directors receive higher salary ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-12 729
142999 homework Á¶*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-12 642
142998 There were cases of wrong conviction where criminals served a... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-12 763

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04