¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

increasing retirement age.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾ç*¿¬
2024-09-27 2126

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I agree with increasing retirement age. The average life expectancy has been rising over the last several decades thanks to the development of medical industry. Nowadays we can see the people over sixty doing work in various fields. Our retirement age in Korea is supposed to increase gradually up to 65, which currently is 60.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Gi Yean!
Thank you for always making time to do your homework, no matter how busy you were. I agree! With the increase in life expectancy, many people are willing to work even after retirement, so extending the retirement age can help them continue to work and earn a fair salary.
- T. Caitlyn
I agree with increasing retirement age. 
>. CORRECT
The average life expectancy has been rising over the last several decades thanks to the development of medical industry.
>> The average life expectancy has been rising over the last several decades, thanks to the development of the medical industry.
 Nowadays we can see the people over sixty doing work in various fields. 
>> Nowadays, we can see people over sixty working in various fields.
Our retirement age in Korea is supposed to increase gradually up to 65, which currently is 60.
>> The retirement age in Korea is supposed to gradually increase to 65, which is currently 60.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141411 How do you feel when someone is kind to you? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1611
141410 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1527
141409 What volunteer work do you see yourself doing? Why? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1507
141408 Should beauty standards include people of all shapes, sizes, and... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1751
141407 What part does luck play in success? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1717
141406 Homework ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1425
141405 Is it fair to punish children for making mistakes? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1752
141404 What¡¯s your favorite part of having a friend stay over at your... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1618
141403 ¡°How My Daily Routine Reflects My Personal Growth¡± ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1498
141402 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1425
141401 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1801
141400 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1605
141399 homework ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 2
141398 Is there any form of greeting you want to change? Explain¡£ ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 2
141397 The government should help people Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 3
141396 What do you like to do every day? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 2405
141395 Do you enjoy observing what other people are doing? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1690
141394 Do you usually have coffee, tea, or something else with your... ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-12-08 7
141393 Why do you think that most people take a nap in the middle of... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-08 1614
141392 Write about your most memorable Friday. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-12-08 1708

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04