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서비스 입니다.

Ten million dallors

작성자: 박*경
2024-10-08 2451

회원님의 영작문

It's a really wonderful situation. What a super rich! Smile appears on my face naturally when I imagine the situation. There are various things I can do with vast sums of money. First, I will buy lots of buildings and properties to make a regulat income. Especially properties are the best way to stack up money.(This is the main reason why the problem of gap between rich and poor is never tackled.) But, does this have any meaning? I already have ten million dallors...In that situation, I will not need more money. However, keeping my money will be still important despite vast sums of money.
Second, I will help the poor in many developing contries and poor counties. Ah, the poor in Korea is at the top priority. We can help an enormouse number of people in world through this money.
People always say that "Don't tell anybody if you win the lottery." But, I want to say this fact to my parents. I'm thinking about telling it my friends, but in my opinion, it's not a good decision.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Ms. Casey! What a lovely thing to imagine, right? I am ecstatic upon reading that you would help the unfortunate ones and share the money with them. You are so kind-hearted. I wish that you become successful so you'd have the capability to help others! Let's manifest it!
-T. Sonny
It's a really wonderful situation. 
>>It's such a terrific situation.
What a super rich! 
>>What an extremely rich person!
Smile appears on my face naturally when I imagine the situation. 
>>A smile appears on my face naturally when I imagine the situation. 
There are various things I can do with vast sums of money. 
>>There are various things I can do with vast sums of money. 
First, I will buy lots of buildings and properties to make a regulat income. 
>>First, I will buy plenty of buildings and properties to make a regular income. 
Especially properties are the best way to stack up money.
>>Especially that properties are the best way to stack up money.
(This is the main reason why the problem of gap between rich and poor is never tackled.) 
>>(This is the main reason why the problem of the gap between rich and poor is never tackled.) 
But, does this have any meaning? 
>>Correct!
I already have ten million dallors...
>>I already have ten million dollars.
In that situation, I will not need more money. 
>>Correct!
However, keeping my money will be still important despite vast sums of money.
>>However, maintaining my finances will still be important despite the vast sums of money.
Second, I will help the poor in many developing contries and poor counties. 
>>Second, I will help the poor in many developing and poor counties. 
Ah, the poor in Korea is at the top priority. 
>>But of course, my fellow Koreans will be my top priority.
We can help an enormouse number of people in world through this money.
>>We can help an enormous number of people in world through this money.
People always say that "Don't tell anybody if you win the lottery." 
>>People always say that: "Don't tell anybody if you win the lottery." 
But, I want to say this fact to my parents. 
>>However, I would want to share the news to my parents.
I'm thinking about telling it my friends, but in my opinion, it's not a good decision.
>>I'm thinking about telling my friends, but in my opinion, it would not be a good decision.

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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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