¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Some people say that humans are scarier than the most dangerous animals. Do you agree or disagree?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Áø
2024-10-24 1838

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I disagree because humans can use weapons and smart but the most dangerous animals is smart and strong.
If humans don't have weapons they can't win against the most dangerous animals.
So humans are weaker than the most dangerous animals.(^_^)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your correced composition, Yale! Many thanks for sending it. Please take a look at the few revisions and alternative expressions provided. Have a good night sleep! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                 Some people say that humans are scarier than the most dangerous animals. Do you agree or disagree?


I disagree because humans can use weapons and smart but the most dangerous animals is smart and strong.
>> I disagree because humans can use weapons and are smart, but the most dangerous animals are smart and strong.

If humans don't have weapons they can't win against the most dangerous animals.
>> If humans don't have weapons, they can't win against the most dangerous animals.
>> OR: Without weapons, humans can't defeat the most dangerous animals. 

So humans are weaker than the most dangerous animals.(^_^)
>> CORRECT~~



¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140449 Deadlines for my daughters ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-16 2023
140448 HOMEWORK FOR 10.11.2024 WRITING TASK: If you could watch a movie... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-16 4
140447 HOMEWORK FOR 10.04.2024 WRITING TASK: If you can learn another... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-16 3
140446 Oct 14th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 1787
140445 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 1
140444 Homework 10/15 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 1822
140443 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 1
140442 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 1665
140441 What are you most scared of? ¹Ú*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 1977
140440 14oct2024- Homework. ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 1776
140439 home work Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 2220
140438 How often do you eat out? Who do you usually eat out with? Where... ¼­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 3
140437 Relaxing ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 2604
140436 Q) Do you like exercising outdoors? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 2
140435 Do you always care for strangers? Why or why not? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 1960
140434 HOMEWORK FOR 09.30.2024 Writing task: Are you an introvert or an... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 2
140433 Have you ever dreamt about something that later came true? ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 2122
140432 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 2648
140431 Homework Àå*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 1930
140430 HOMEWORK FOR 09.27.2024 WRITING TASK: What can you do to prevent... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-15 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04