¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I want to purchase my own house one day.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-11-07 1751

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream that I possess my own house when I'm in forty.
I think I have to be independent from my parents when I'm get older.
But I have to pay almost two hundred fifty thousand(250,000) dollars to purchase house in my hometown.
It cost a fortune to me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there again, Min!

I am so proud of your dream to own a house! I know this is possible with your hard work and dedication to your work. Since you can get some benefits from the government, you would better take advantage of the house loan or housing benefits available.

Below, there are some underlined words that you can use to make your sentences even better. Great job!

See you.

-T. Donna~

Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream that I possess my own house when I'm in forty.
>> Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream to possess my own house when I'm forty.

I think I have to be independent from my parents when I'm get older.
>> I think I have to be independent from my parents when I get older.

But I have to pay almost two hundred fifty thousand(250,000) dollars to purchase house in my hometown.
>> Correct!

It cost a fortune to me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.
>> It costs a fortune for me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142068 2 ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1290
142067 4 ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1035
142066 20 ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 996
142065 What are your thoughts on kids staying on the phone for so long... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1164
142064 The brake pedal malfunctioned on the frozen road ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 954
142063 war ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1
142062 beats me. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 2
142061 statue ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1
142060 In your opinion, what is the most effective way to lose weight? À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1097
142059 What types of diets have you heard of? À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1120
142058 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1143
142057 Is there anything that helps you feel better when you\'re... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1172
142056 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1154
142055 culinary trend ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1576
142054 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1157
142053 1/17 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1136
142052 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1214
142051 Page 5 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 0
142050 What¡¯s the worst way to spend a weekend? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-19 1075
142049 Have you ever tried alternative medicine, like acupuncture or... ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-19 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04