¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I want to purchase my own house one day.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-11-07 1705

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream that I possess my own house when I'm in forty.
I think I have to be independent from my parents when I'm get older.
But I have to pay almost two hundred fifty thousand(250,000) dollars to purchase house in my hometown.
It cost a fortune to me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there again, Min!

I am so proud of your dream to own a house! I know this is possible with your hard work and dedication to your work. Since you can get some benefits from the government, you would better take advantage of the house loan or housing benefits available.

Below, there are some underlined words that you can use to make your sentences even better. Great job!

See you.

-T. Donna~

Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream that I possess my own house when I'm in forty.
>> Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream to possess my own house when I'm forty.

I think I have to be independent from my parents when I'm get older.
>> I think I have to be independent from my parents when I get older.

But I have to pay almost two hundred fifty thousand(250,000) dollars to purchase house in my hometown.
>> Correct!

It cost a fortune to me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.
>> It costs a fortune for me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141415 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1
141414 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1255
141413 What are effective ways to keep our minds sharp as we age? Do... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1428
141412 Do you think celebrities should take a stand on political or... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 2038
141411 How do you feel when someone is kind to you? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1470
141410 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1378
141409 What volunteer work do you see yourself doing? Why? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1355
141408 Should beauty standards include people of all shapes, sizes, and... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1520
141407 What part does luck play in success? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1586
141406 Homework ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1269
141405 Is it fair to punish children for making mistakes? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1606
141404 What¡¯s your favorite part of having a friend stay over at your... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1365
141403 ¡°How My Daily Routine Reflects My Personal Growth¡± ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1335
141402 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1291
141401 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1643
141400 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 1383
141399 homework ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 2
141398 Is there any form of greeting you want to change? Explain¡£ ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 2
141397 The government should help people Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 3
141396 What do you like to do every day? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-09 2136

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04