¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I want to purchase my own house one day.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-11-07 1997

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream that I possess my own house when I'm in forty.
I think I have to be independent from my parents when I'm get older.
But I have to pay almost two hundred fifty thousand(250,000) dollars to purchase house in my hometown.
It cost a fortune to me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there again, Min!

I am so proud of your dream to own a house! I know this is possible with your hard work and dedication to your work. Since you can get some benefits from the government, you would better take advantage of the house loan or housing benefits available.

Below, there are some underlined words that you can use to make your sentences even better. Great job!

See you.

-T. Donna~

Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream that I possess my own house when I'm in forty.
>> Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream to possess my own house when I'm forty.

I think I have to be independent from my parents when I'm get older.
>> I think I have to be independent from my parents when I get older.

But I have to pay almost two hundred fifty thousand(250,000) dollars to purchase house in my hometown.
>> Correct!

It cost a fortune to me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.
>> It costs a fortune for me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143840 Are you and your friends competitive with each other? In which... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 334
143839 What religious holidays do you know? Do you think they are... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 378
143838 What kind of car do you want to buy when you\'re all grown up? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 429
143837 What do you think and feel when you see police cars? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 502
143836 Personally, how do you define \"rich?\" Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 375
143835 What are some of the most interesting or unusual things you\'ve... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-26 413
143834 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 2
143833 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 1
143832 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 398
143831 People compete in sports, games, the economy, and many other... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 408
143830 How do you balance studying for multiple exams? ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 339
143829 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 524
143828 what are your thought on the four-day work week? ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 479
143827 What¡¯s one thing you¡¯re most excited about at your son\'s... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 427
143826 Birthday present that I want to receive is tumbler. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 437
143825 Is it okay to say no when someone asks for a favor? Why or why... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 353
143824 Is there a time when forgetting something turned out to be a... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 446
143823 Do you think a planner helps you stay organized or simply gives... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 474
143822 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 398
143821 0424 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04