¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I want to purchase my own house one day.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-11-07 1825

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream that I possess my own house when I'm in forty.
I think I have to be independent from my parents when I'm get older.
But I have to pay almost two hundred fifty thousand(250,000) dollars to purchase house in my hometown.
It cost a fortune to me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there again, Min!

I am so proud of your dream to own a house! I know this is possible with your hard work and dedication to your work. Since you can get some benefits from the government, you would better take advantage of the house loan or housing benefits available.

Below, there are some underlined words that you can use to make your sentences even better. Great job!

See you.

-T. Donna~

Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream that I possess my own house when I'm in forty.
>> Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream to possess my own house when I'm forty.

I think I have to be independent from my parents when I'm get older.
>> I think I have to be independent from my parents when I get older.

But I have to pay almost two hundred fifty thousand(250,000) dollars to purchase house in my hometown.
>> Correct!

It cost a fortune to me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.
>> It costs a fortune for me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143095 Why do you think people should/shouldn\'t jave hobbies ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 624
143094 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 575
143093 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 778
143092 Can you think of a time when you went the extra mile for someone... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 2
143091 Expectation of class ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 620
143090 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 545
143089 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 0
143088 What is your favorite Mexican food? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 649
143087 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 622
143086 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 1
143085 Yes, I believe in ghosts. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 558
143084 collecting È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 577
143083 English is very useful for global high-school student. ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 4
143082 What are the pros of socializing with other people? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 662
143081 What¡¯s the one ingredient you always hen. s have in your... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 3
143080 Should Korea create laws for digital inheritance rights, or... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 513
143079 Homework. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 1
143078 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 758
143077 How often do you get takeout? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 1
143076 2025.03.17 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 547

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04