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How does the use of social networking sites contribute to stress?

작성자: 안*윤
2024-11-08 1880

회원님의 영작문

I sometimes have heard that many people feel fatigue and stressful, and finally they just stop to use social networking sites.
They say the biggest reason is that they start to compare themselves to others out of awareness.
Besides, they also want to be seen by others that they are very happy and special.
Once one starts to be conscious about what others think and how themselves to be seen, it is just the beginning of tired life.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Ms. Anna! Thank you for sharing your thoughts! You’ve touched on some key reasons people feel tired and stressed by social media, especially the pressure to compare or project happiness. Great insight on how being too conscious of others' opinions can lead to a tiring life. Keep up the thoughtful writing!
~T. Jenna

I sometimes have heard that many people feel fatigue and stressful, and finally they just stop to use social networking sites.
>>I have sometimes heard that many people feel fatigued and stressed, and eventually, they just stop using social networking sites.
OR
>>I have occasionally heard that many people experience fatigue and stress, leading them to ultimately discontinue their use of social networking sites.
They say the biggest reason is that they start to compare themselves to others out of awareness.
>>They say the main reason is that they begin comparing themselves to others, often lacking awareness of it.
OR
>>They say the main reason is that they start comparing themselves to others without realizing it.
Besides, they also want to be seen by others that they are very happy and special.
Correct, or
>>Besides, they also want to put on a happy face and be seen by others as living the dream.
Once one starts to be conscious about what others think and how themselves to be seen, it is just the beginning of tired life.
>>Once one becomes conscious of what others think and how they are seen, it is just the beginning of a tiring life.
OR
>>Once someone starts paying too much attention to what others think and how they’re perceived, it’s the start of a never-ending uphill battle.
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