¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*´Ô
2024-11-11 2332

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think women in korea are satisfied with their life.
Especially they don't have to serve the army.
Companies and national institutions are more and more employing women .
After marriage they are treated like queen.
Because man's conditional of marriage is more hard than woman.
And it is easy to be broken thier marriage if the man don't treat well their partner.
Brides don't need to have in mind of their in laws any more.
There will be not a reason woman's life is worse than man's in korea.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Ms. Sunny,
First off, I would like to congratulate you for making long sentences! Great job, Just simply look at my corrections to make a better statement or sentence just like your first 3 lines. 'Have a great day!
Aki~

I think women in Korea are satisfied with their life.
>>> CORRECT!

Especially they don't have to serve the army.
>>> CORRECT!

Companies and national institutions are more and more employing women .
>>> CORRECT!

After marriage they are treated like queen.
>>> After marriage they are treated like queens.

Because man's conditional of marriage is more hard than woman.
>>>  Because a man's conditional of marriage is harder than a woman's.

And it is easy to be broken thier marriage if the man don't treat well their partner.
>>> And it is easy to break their marriage if the man doesn't treat well their partner.

Brides don't need to have in mind of their in laws any more.
>>> Brides don't need to have in mind their in-laws anymore

There will be not a reason woman's life is worse than man's in Korea.
>>> There is no reason a woman's life is worse than a man's in Korea.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142239 1/27 homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-03 0
142238 It¡¯s showing day. Á¶*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-03 2
142237 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-02 1570
142236 What did you enjoy the most about Seollal this year? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-02 1422
142235 Homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-02 1583
142234 Homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-02 1236
142233 Was the last year a good year for you? What were some of its... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-02 1598
142232 31Jan2025 homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-02 1758
142231 27Jan2025 homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-02 1459
142230 HOMEWORK: What should you do to gain more confidence? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-02 4
142229 What kind of allergy is the worst? Why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-02 1912
142228 Write a sentence using \'Good luck\'. Complete the sentence... ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-02-02 3
142227 child\'s labor ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-02 1451
142226 show you my confidence. Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-01 1629
142225 What¡¯s a place you¡¯d recommend to someone visiting Korea for... ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-01 1
142224 yes, I love oranges. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-01 1644
142223 \"Importance of Rest and Balance in a Busy Life¡° ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-01 1657
142222 Homework ½Å*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-31 2
142221 What do you do to easily get along with other people? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-01-31 1646
142220 Organ donation is one of the best donations that people can do ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-31 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04