¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*´Ô
2024-11-11 1760

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think women in korea are satisfied with their life.
Especially they don't have to serve the army.
Companies and national institutions are more and more employing women .
After marriage they are treated like queen.
Because man's conditional of marriage is more hard than woman.
And it is easy to be broken thier marriage if the man don't treat well their partner.
Brides don't need to have in mind of their in laws any more.
There will be not a reason woman's life is worse than man's in korea.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Ms. Sunny,
First off, I would like to congratulate you for making long sentences! Great job, Just simply look at my corrections to make a better statement or sentence just like your first 3 lines. 'Have a great day!
Aki~

I think women in Korea are satisfied with their life.
>>> CORRECT!

Especially they don't have to serve the army.
>>> CORRECT!

Companies and national institutions are more and more employing women .
>>> CORRECT!

After marriage they are treated like queen.
>>> After marriage they are treated like queens.

Because man's conditional of marriage is more hard than woman.
>>>  Because a man's conditional of marriage is harder than a woman's.

And it is easy to be broken thier marriage if the man don't treat well their partner.
>>> And it is easy to break their marriage if the man doesn't treat well their partner.

Brides don't need to have in mind of their in laws any more.
>>> Brides don't need to have in mind their in-laws anymore

There will be not a reason woman's life is worse than man's in Korea.
>>> There is no reason a woman's life is worse than a man's in Korea.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140722 Homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1869
140721 Is it fair to punish children for making mistakes? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1
140720 If you could eat only one food in your life what would it be and... ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1840
140719 Homework🙌🏻 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1903
140718 Oct 25th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1841
140717 most ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1
140716 classroom ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1
140715 Raising the minimum wage would increase the price of consumer... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1671
140714 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 2
140713 My visa was denied ±¸*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1600
140712 What do you think is the best way to avoid annoying people with... ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1808
140711 Homework ¾ç*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1736
140710 Critical thinking skills ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1413
140709 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 3
140708 What do you think is the most expensive hobby? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-30 1
140707 My homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-29 1650
140706 Do you like being the age at which you now are? ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-29 1408
140705 >> Bertrand Russell said: \"War does not determine who is right... ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-29 1
140704 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-29 1
140703 Is it important to learn slang or swear words when learning a... ¹Ú*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2024-10-29 1718

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04