¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*´Ô
2024-11-11 1947

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think women in korea are satisfied with their life.
Especially they don't have to serve the army.
Companies and national institutions are more and more employing women .
After marriage they are treated like queen.
Because man's conditional of marriage is more hard than woman.
And it is easy to be broken thier marriage if the man don't treat well their partner.
Brides don't need to have in mind of their in laws any more.
There will be not a reason woman's life is worse than man's in korea.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Ms. Sunny,
First off, I would like to congratulate you for making long sentences! Great job, Just simply look at my corrections to make a better statement or sentence just like your first 3 lines. 'Have a great day!
Aki~

I think women in Korea are satisfied with their life.
>>> CORRECT!

Especially they don't have to serve the army.
>>> CORRECT!

Companies and national institutions are more and more employing women .
>>> CORRECT!

After marriage they are treated like queen.
>>> After marriage they are treated like queens.

Because man's conditional of marriage is more hard than woman.
>>>  Because a man's conditional of marriage is harder than a woman's.

And it is easy to be broken thier marriage if the man don't treat well their partner.
>>> And it is easy to break their marriage if the man doesn't treat well their partner.

Brides don't need to have in mind of their in laws any more.
>>> Brides don't need to have in mind their in-laws anymore

There will be not a reason woman's life is worse than man's in Korea.
>>> There is no reason a woman's life is worse than a man's in Korea.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140826 What part does luck play in success? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 1874
140825 Can excessive use of social media have the opposite effect on... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 1773
140824 Home work for Monday ±è*¿ë ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 1508
140823 04nov2024_homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 2100
140822 If you could ask your palm reader one specific question about... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 2175
140821 cheap ways to stay healthy ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 2171
140820 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 2075
140819 Mold in my walk-in closet ±¸*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 1
140818 Page 44. ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 1
140817 HOMEWORK ¾ç*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 2462
140816 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1
140815 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 2
140814 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1811
140813 What do you do during your breaks between class in school and... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1921
140812 Diary-24.11.05 ¾È*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 2188
140811 Where is the best place to have a picnic in Korea? Explain. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1852
140810 Homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1965
140809 Can you cook? What dishes do you know how to make? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1932
140808 Do you believe that sometimes tough love is necessary for... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1873
140807 What are the most common organizations in your country and what... ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1929

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04