¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*´Ô
2024-11-11 2477

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think women in korea are satisfied with their life.
Especially they don't have to serve the army.
Companies and national institutions are more and more employing women .
After marriage they are treated like queen.
Because man's conditional of marriage is more hard than woman.
And it is easy to be broken thier marriage if the man don't treat well their partner.
Brides don't need to have in mind of their in laws any more.
There will be not a reason woman's life is worse than man's in korea.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Ms. Sunny,
First off, I would like to congratulate you for making long sentences! Great job, Just simply look at my corrections to make a better statement or sentence just like your first 3 lines. 'Have a great day!
Aki~

I think women in Korea are satisfied with their life.
>>> CORRECT!

Especially they don't have to serve the army.
>>> CORRECT!

Companies and national institutions are more and more employing women .
>>> CORRECT!

After marriage they are treated like queen.
>>> After marriage they are treated like queens.

Because man's conditional of marriage is more hard than woman.
>>>  Because a man's conditional of marriage is harder than a woman's.

And it is easy to be broken thier marriage if the man don't treat well their partner.
>>> And it is easy to break their marriage if the man doesn't treat well their partner.

Brides don't need to have in mind of their in laws any more.
>>> Brides don't need to have in mind their in-laws anymore

There will be not a reason woman's life is worse than man's in Korea.
>>> There is no reason a woman's life is worse than a man's in Korea.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139081 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 1
139080 How do you handle problems when you encounter one? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 2047
139079 Many interesting ability of animals ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 2297
139078 My thinking for running late of the meeting. ±è*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 5
139077 Personality ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 2247
139076 Agust 7th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 2378
139075 Homwork ÀÌ*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 1
139074 2024.08.08 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 2007
139073 2024.08.09 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 1
139072 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 2269
139071 What is your favorite water activity? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 2076
139070 8/9(Fri.) homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 1719
139069 homework day4 ¹Ú*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 1
139068 homework day3 ¹Ú*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 3
139067 Waiting for someone is irritating. ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 15
139066 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 0
139065 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 0
139064 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 0
139063 Describe the effects social media has on young adults. ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 2167
139062 a big fight ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04