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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

How does one’s family life affect his relations with others?

작성자: 김*린
2024-11-21 1991

회원님의 영작문

The biggest influence is how to build a relationship. Person's personality and formation of relationship is depend on their family environment. We all learn how to make a relationship, but it's different by family style. Of course, we can also learn this from soical life, however, it's hard to change. In the case of a peaceful family, a child aquires that forming a relationship is not dangerous and difficult. He or she can feel safety from other people. In the contrast, if an uncertain family, a child might think that the other people is dangerous and negative to make a relationship. He or she can feel anxious and can't believe others. Moreover when they face problem, then they might avoid the problem instead of solving it.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hey, Lin! You've made some insightful points about how family environments shape a person's ability to build relationships. I agree that a peaceful family can help a child feel more secure and open to others, while an uncertain family can create challenges in trusting people. Great job on your analysis!
~T. Jenna

The biggest influence is how to build a relationship. 
Correct, or
>>The most pivotal factor boils down to the ability to foster meaningful connections.
Person's personality and formation of relationship is depend on their family environment. 
>>A person's personality and the formation of relationships depend on their family environment.
OR
>>A person's character and knack for forming relationships are deeply rooted in their upbringing.
We all learn how to make a relationship, but it's different by family style. 
>>We all learn how to build relationships, but it's different depending on family style.
OR
>>While everyone learns the ropes of building relationships, the approach can differ widely depending on family dynamics.
Of course, we can also learn this from soical life, however, it's hard to change. 
>>Of course, we can also learn this from social life; however, it's hard to change.
OR
>>Although social interactions can also teach us relationship-building skills, altering ingrained patterns can be particularly challenging.
In the case of a peaceful family, a child aquires that forming a relationship is not dangerous and difficult. 
>>In the case of a peaceful family, a child acquires the understanding that forming a relationship is not dangerous or difficult.
OR
>>In the context of a harmonious family, a child develops the perception that forming relationships is neither intimidating nor overly complex.
He or she can feel safety from other people. 
>>He or she can feel safe with other people.
OR
>>Such a child is likely to feel at home and at ease when engaging with others.
In the contrast, if an uncertain family, a child might think that the other people is dangerous and negative to make a relationship. 
>>In contrast, in an uncertain family, a child might think that other people are dangerous and negative when it comes to forming relationships.
OR
>>On the flip side, growing up in a turbulent family can make a child see others as a potential threat and relationships as an uphill battle.
He or she can feel anxious and can't believe others. 
Correct, or
>>This can leave them on edge and hesitant to take people at their word.
Moreover when they face problem, then they might avoid the problem instead of solving it.
>>Moreover, when they face problems, they might avoid the problem instead of solving it.
OR
>> What's more, when push comes to shove, they might shy away from tackling problems head-on and choose to sweep them under the rug instead.
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