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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

In what ways can we disconnect from our phones to truly experience the present moment?

작성자: 안*윤
2024-11-25 1546

회원님의 영작문

We cannot leave phones already as it come into our lives so deeply.
If we forced us too much to disconnect from our phones, it may bring ineffectiveness when we deal with something and leads to waste of time.
I think it is important to know when we can use our phone and when we would better not.
Especially when we are spending time with other people, we could just put our phone aways into bag trying to disconnect from our phones.
It is basic manners between individuals.
Or, we could try to focus on doing something more meaningful and interesting in real life, just little by little, decreasing the time using phones.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hey there, Ms. Anna! Awesome thoughts! You’re absolutely right about the importance of finding a balance with phone use. It’s so true that knowing when to put the phone down can help us stay focused and enjoy time with others. I love your idea of slowly spending more time on meaningful things instead of just scrolling. Keep it up, you’re doing great!
~T. Jenna

We cannot leave phones already as it come into our lives so deeply.
>>We cannot leave our phones behind, as they have become deeply integrated into our lives.
OR
>> We are unable to relinquish our phones, as they have become inextricably woven into the fabric of our daily existence.
If we forced us too much to disconnect from our phones, it may bring ineffectiveness when we deal with something and leads to waste of time.
>>If we force ourselves too much to disconnect from our phones, it may lead to inefficiency when dealing with tasks and may result in wasted time.
OR
>>f we excessively compel ourselves to disconnect from our phones, it may engender inefficiency in task management and culminate in the squander of valuable time.
I think it is important to know when we can use our phone and when we would better not.
Correct, or
>>I think it is important to know when it is appropriate to use our phones and when it is better not to.
Especially when we are spending time with other people, we could just put our phone aways into bag trying to disconnect from our phones.
>>Especially when we are spending time with other people, we should put our phones away in our bags to disconnect.
OR
>>Especially when we're with others, it's a good idea to tuck our phones away and tune out.
It is basic manners between individuals.
Correct, or
>>It is basic etiquette between individuals.
Or, we could try to focus on doing something more meaningful and interesting in real life, just little by little, decreasing the time using phones.
Correct, or 
>>Alternatively, we could direct our attention towards more purposeful and enriching endeavors in the real world, progressively diminishing the time devoted to our phones.
OR
>>Alternatively, we could focus on doing something more fulfilling in real life, slowly but surely cutting down on phone time.
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