¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

People admire the life of influencers at social media\'s feed.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Çü
2024-11-27 1869

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In Korea, the beauty care industry is growing a few years. Especially, men start focusing on the beauty care like skin care, fashion, diet and so on. There are many reason that first of all, Idol and Entertainment industry is fast growing and It have an impact on teenagers. Second, many people watch on the social media feed like Facebook, Instagram and LinkIn etc. They look nice and beauty people's photo and making their life. It is not true life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you for your thoughtful essay MS. Ella! You¡¯ve done an excellent job of exploring the dispute and its surrounding events. Keep up the fantastic work! By the way, please don't forget to change your class time for tomorrow so we can talk. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In Korea, the beauty care industry is growing a few years.
>>> In Korea,  the beauty care industry has been growing in recent years.
Especially, men start focusing on the beauty care like skin care, fashion, diet and so on.
>>>CORRECT~!^^
 There are many reason that first of all, Idol and Entertainment industry is fast growing and It have an impact on teenagers.
>>> There are several reasons for this. Idol and Entertainment industry is fast growing and It have an impact on teenagers.
Second, many people watch on the social media feed like Facebook, Instagram and LinkIn etc. 
>>> Secondly, many people follow social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and others.
They look nice and beauty people's photo and making their life. It is not true life.
>>> They see photos of attractive people on social media and compare them to their own lives, which often doesn't reflect reality."
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140364 second homework ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 2227
140363 Which is always the best part of your day? ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 2481
140362 What outdoor activities do you like to do during autumn? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 2251
140361 Do you have any favorite healthy snacks or meals that fuel your... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 2223
140360 My homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 2792
140359 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2
140358 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2
140357 Job compensation vs Job satisfaction ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2500
140356 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2198
140355 Dear Gemma Àü*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2093
140354 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2426
140353 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 3040
140352 Which is always the best part of your day? ¹Ú*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2277
140351 09oct2024-homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2514
140350 In your opinion, what is the best and worst Korean dish for you?... ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2401
140349 Do you like to talk to the local people when you travel? Why or... ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2565
140348 What makes an actor/actress talented for you? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 0
140347 homework ¾È*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2052
140346 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 0
140345 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-10 2795

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04