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영작교정 게시판

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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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How do you think we can keep our minds sharp as we get older? Are there any habits or activities you

작성자: 김*린
2024-12-02 1777

회원님의 영작문

I believe creating something is important to prevent forgetfulness with age. Creating is very hard work and needed to think deeply. It can make elderly people\'s mind sharp by constantly using their brain. Additionally meeting many people and talking to others is also good way to use their brain. When I met elderly people in the volunteer work, they said that they didn\'t have much time to talk, but it was good to have such time;talking program and that talking activities seem to be good for preventing dementia.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Lin! Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I completely agree that creating and staying mentally active are important for keeping our minds sharp as we age. Your experience with the elderly in volunteer work is inspiring --- it’s amazing how talking and engaging with others can really help prevent forgetfulness and dementia. Keep up the great work and continue to share your insights!
~T. Jenna

I believe creating something is important to prevent forgetfulness with age.
Correct, or
>> I think keeping busy with creative activities is key to staying sharp as we get older.
Creating is very hard work and needed to think deeply. 
>>Creating is very hard work and requires deep thinking.
OR
>>The act of creation is demanding and necessitates profound cognitive engagement.
It can make elderly people\'s mind sharp by constantly using their brain. 
>>It can keep elderly people's minds sharp by constantly using their brains.
OR
>> It can maintain the mental acuity of the elderly by continuously stimulating their cognitive processes.
Additionally meeting many people and talking to others is also good way to use their brain. 
>>Additionally, meeting many people and talking to others is also a good way to use engage their brains.
OR
>>Furthermore, interacting with a variety of people and engaging in conversation serves as an effective means of maintaining cognitive activity.
When I met elderly people in the volunteer work, they said that they didn\'t have much time to talk, but it was good to have such time;talking program and that talking activities seem to be good for preventing dementia.
>>When I met elderly people during volunteer work, they said that they didn’t have much time to talk, but it was good to have such time; the talking program and talking activities seem to be good for preventing dementia.
OR
>>When I met seniors while volunteering, they mentioned that they didn’t get much chance to talk, but they really valued those moments; conversation-based activities are great for warding off dementia.
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