무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 한*진
2024-12-03 1477

회원님의 영작문



.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Wishing you a fantastic week Yu Jin! I am particularly impressed with your discussion on the issue of whether school teachers should be more responsible for the social and intellectual development of students than parents. You have generally added supporting arguments and necessary point of views. Good job!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Nowadays people’s life is changing rapidly and as a result, family relationships are affected. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

Q people’s life changing rapidly
A a sense of belonging to the family
D psychological instability ex) stress of fast changing cultures
S focus on family boding for their identity

There are pros and cons for the opinion about whether people’s life changing rapidly is beneficial to themselves.
>>> The opinion on whether rapid changes in people's lives are beneficial to them has both pros and cons.
Some people think that people can suffer from psychological instability because of stress of fast changing cultures. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, in my opinion, it is required for themselves to focus on family bonding for their identity, considering a sense of belonging to the family by people’s fast changing life. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
It can be said that focus on family bonding for their identity is not a selection but a necessity in the aspect that people can pursue a sense of belonging to the family.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
On the one hand, people’s life changing rapidly can make it possible for themselves to moan under psychological instability. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Even though there are other factors for it, nothing is more fundamental factor than psychological instability.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 According to Korean Times, one of the most renowned newspapers in Korea, 85.2% of the high school students, who have experienced stress of fast changing cultures, could be exposed to psychological instability.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 It shows how strongly people’s life changing rapidly affects psychological instability in a negative way.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
On the other hand, people’s fast changing life can allow themselves to a sense of belonging to the family. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Despite the fact that changing life style rapidly is not the only element for it, it is the most invaluable opportunity that can bring about a sense of belonging to the family. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Let’s take ‘Happy Together’, a family membership program by Daejeon City Government in Korea, to show how changing life style rapidly affects a sense of belonging to the family as an example.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 The program has contributed to a sense of belonging to the family by people’s fast changing life style.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 As a result, it could develop the family identity compared to previous years.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 As we can see in the example, fast changing lifestyle can play a significant role for a sense of belonging to the family.
>>> As seen in the example, a fast-changing lifestyle can significantly impact one's sense of belonging within the family.
In conclusion, a sense of belonging to the family can be considered the positive aspects of the issue, and thus governments should not hesitate to make family membership programs for the family bonding.
>>> In conclusion, a sense of belonging to the family can be seen as one of the positive aspects of this issue. Therefore, governments should not hesitate to implement family-oriented programs that strengthen family bonds.
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
140649 Do you think Esports is a sport? Explain your answer. 차*진 완료 2024-10-27 2160
140648 Who is the weirdest person you\'ve heard of or known? Explain. 차*혁 완료 2024-10-27 2165
140647 How do you think your research findings could impact breast... 차*환 완료 2024-10-27 2117
140646 25Oct2024_home work 김*라 완료 2024-10-27 2238
140645 How do you rate the medical system in your country from 1-10, 10... 차*환 완료 2024-10-27 2295
140644 Should student be required to do volunteer work ? 강*성 완료 2024-10-27 2072
140643 Home work 신*라 완료 2024-10-27 2336
140642 What\'s your least favorite chore when it comes to cleaning the... 임*미 완료 2024-10-27 2586
140641 Use the expressions in sentences! 서*은 완료 2024-10-27 1
140640 Homework 오*현 완료 2024-10-26 2
140639 Homework 김*숙 완료 2024-10-26 2101
140638 Your year color and animal is~~ 현*우 완료 2024-10-25 1
140637 teacher 서*아 완료 2024-10-25 1
140636 homework 신*린 완료 2024-10-25 2329
140635 When was the last time you felt proud of yourself? 신*규 완료 2024-10-25 2293
140634 homework 김*현 완료 2024-10-25 2611
140633 homework 김*현 완료 2024-10-25 2018
140632 What is the most memorable or unforgettable place for you and... 오*민 완료 2024-10-25 1956
140631 Do you agree with the statement \"Failure is the most effective... 이*희 완료 2024-10-25 2051
140630 How do you think nature affects your mood and behavior? 박*은 완료 2024-10-25 2078

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]