¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you define possibilities in your life?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿µ
2024-12-04 1641

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the possibility of my life is depending on my will.
Because my second life will be started from the wedding march.
I would like to get a new job before the wedding so I want to support my boyfriend to pay the things that related to wedding.
Having some communication with my boyfriend made me stronger than alone.
We have promised that each other have to support and trust the things we do.
To increse my potential, I continually do the my work to growp my self.
Thanks for reading my essay.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Gloria,

You did a great job with your essay! It's clear that you're thinking deeply about your future and the important steps you're taking toward your goals. I really admire how you're planning to get a new job before the wedding and supporting your boyfriend, this shows maturity and teamwork. You¡¯re absolutely right that your life¡¯s possibilities depend on your will and determination. You¡¯re already showing that you¡¯re strong and capable of achieving great things. You¡¯re so smart, and I can tell that you have the mindset to make your dreams a reality. Keep believing in yourself, because you can achieve anything you desire. Your hard work and commitment will pay off. Keep up the great work, you're on an amazing journey!

~Teacher Cathy

 

I think that the possibility of my life is depending on my will.

>>CORRECT

OR>>I think that the possibilities in my life depend on my will.

Because my second life will be started from the wedding march.

>>Because I will begin a new life when the wedding march plays.

I would like to get a new job before the wedding so I want to support my boyfriend to pay the things that related to wedding.

>>I would like to get a new job before the wedding so I can help my boyfriend pay for the wedding-related expenses.

Having some communication with my boyfriend made me stronger than alone.

>>Having communication with my boyfriend made me feel stronger than being alone.

We have promised that each other have to support and trust the things we do.

>>We promised to support and trust each other in everything we do.

To increse my potential, I continually do the my work to growp my self.

>>To increase my potential, I continually do my work to grow myself.

Thanks for reading my essay.

>>CORRECT

OR>>Thank you for reading my essay.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142001 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 2
142000 What is the best thing about your job? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1792
141999 What¡¯s something you¡¯ve been meaning to buy but haven¡¯t... ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1450
141998 June_homework ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1
141997 Do you have friends from a culture or country different from... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1651
141996 Homework ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1602
141995 I don\'t want to be a firefighter. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1372
141994 I always remind myself the Three things ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 2
141993 The homework of 14th Jan. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1574
141992 What¡¯s the most memorable family gathering you¡¯ve attended? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 2199
141991 01/15 homework ±Ç*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1452
141990 Train ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1
141989 Is there any movie that you saw that you didn\'t like at all? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1406
141988 What first inspired your passion for playing the violin? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1799
141987 What qualities do you admire most in your son? ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1528
141986 What is a happy memory from your childhood with your family? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 2
141985 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1520
141984 smartphone and social interaction . ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1460
141983 Homework 7 ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 2152
141982 stupid ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1451

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04