¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I want to change this answer into a couple of lines

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*ÀÎ
2025-01-22 1090

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

0. Hobby
Do you have any hobbies?
Did you have any hobbies when you were a child?
à Yes, I have some pastimes that I relish during my spare time. For instance, I love reading books, and I also enjoy going for walks because it helps me relax. When I was a child, I had different hobbies. I really liked drawing and being creative, and I also spent a lot of time playing with building blocks. However, as I grew older, my interests have changed, and I now focus on activities that suit my current lifestyle.

Do you have the same hobbies as your family members?
Do you have a hobby that you've had since childhood?
à Certain pastimes, such as watching movies, are shared with my family, as we often bond over that activity. However, one personal pursuit I¡¯ve maintained since childhood is playing the piano. It¡¯s something I deeply cherish and find incredibly soothing, allowing me to express myself creatively over the years.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hey there, Young In! Please check if the following works for you ^^ However, a couple of lines won¡¯t be enough to reach 6.5. The score you want requires sufficient elaboration in your answers. The score 6.5 in IELTS speaking typically requires more elaboration than just a couple of lines. While brief answers might be understandable, to score a 6.5, your responses should include more detail, examples, and development of your ideas. You need to show that you can expand on your answers clearly and logically. Simply giving short responses without much explanation would likely limit your score. 
~T. Jenna

0. Hobby
Do you have any hobbies?
Did you have any hobbies when you were a child?
à Yes, I have some pastimes that I relish during my spare time. For instance, I love reading books, and I also enjoy going for walks because it helps me relax. When I was a child, I had different hobbies. I really liked drawing and being creative, and I also spent a lot of time playing with building blocks. However, as I grew older, my interests have changed, and I now focus on activities that suit my current lifestyle.
>> 
I relish some pastimes like reading and walking to relax during my spare time. As a child, I loved drawing and playing with building blocks, but my interests have changed as I've grown.

Do you have the same hobbies as your family members?
Do you have a hobby that you've had since childhood?
à Certain pastimes, such as watching movies, are shared with my family, as we often bond over that activity. However, one personal pursuit I¡¯ve maintained since childhood is playing the piano. It¡¯s something I deeply cherish and find incredibly soothing, allowing me to express myself creatively over the years.
>>I share hobbies like watching movies with my family, as it helps us bond. However, playing the piano is a personal pursuit I've kept since childhood, and it's something I truly enjoy for its soothing and creative expression.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141665 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-25 1
141664 dance ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-25 1
141663 performing ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-25 1
141662 change ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-25 1
141661 If you had a million dollars, would you still work? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-12-25 2
141660 If you could work from anywhere in the world for a year, where... ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-12-25 2
141659 Which is a better choice, travelling alone or travelling with... ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-24 1491
141658 Have you ever complained about the food or service in a... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-12-24 2
141657 Write about Christmas days plans. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-24 1552
141656 Do you think dreams have any meaning? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-24 1983
141655 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-24 1436
141654 Review ±è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-12-24 2
141653 I will submit my English writing assignments by re-solving what... ±è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-12-24 2
141652 Do you think convenience stores should offer healthier food... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-24 1478
141651 Ãß°¡ ¹®Á¦ ±è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-12-24 1781
141650 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-24 1823
141649 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-24 0
141648 What is included in your \"Bucket List\" ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-24 1568
141647 What might happen if you don¡¯t use any phones in a day, week,... ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-23 1541
141646 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-23 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04