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영작교정 게시판

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Do you think traditions should be preserved and maintained?

작성자: 문*현
2025-01-27 1770

회원님의 영작문

Traditions should be preserved because these heritages shape national identity, which differentiate one culture to others and offer sense of belonging under globalization. At the same traditions should be altered based on the demand of modern society. This is because traditions difficult to follow might not be cherished properly which can eventually die out. For instance, there are ancestral rites in Korea influenced by Confucian culture. The main purpose of these ceremonies is to thank ancestors for their success and commemorate them. Back then, ancestral ceremonies were close to family events except for head families. However, this purpose has lost its meaning after 1950 by each household making the event complicated. Many started to believe that extravagant choice foods and complicated procedures are required to properly cherish their ancestors. Now many younger generations are not convening the ceremony, which would lead this culture to disappear in the foreseeable future.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Aciel!

Traditions should be preserved because these heritages shape national identity, which differentiate one culture to others and offer sense of belonging under globalization. 
>>>  Traditions should be preserved because these heritages shape national identity, which differentiate one culture to others and offer a sense of belongingness under/despite globalization. 
At the same traditions should be altered based on the demand of modern society. 
>>>  At the same time, traditions should be altered based on the demand of modern society. 
This is because traditions difficult to follow might not be cherished properly which can eventually die out. 
>>>  This is because traditions that are difficult to follow might not be cherished properly which can eventually die out. 
For instance, there are ancestral rites in Korea influenced by Confucian culture. 
>>>  correct
The main purpose of these ceremonies is to thank ancestors for their success and commemorate them. 
>>>   correct 
Back then, ancestral ceremonies were close to family events except for head families. 
>>>    correct
However, this purpose has lost its meaning after 1950 by each household making the event complicated. 
>>>    correct
Many started to believe that extravagant choice foods and complicated procedures are required to properly cherish their ancestors. 
>>>  Many started to believe that extravagant choice of foods and complicated procedures are required to properly cherish their ancestors. 
Now, many younger generations are not convening the ceremony, which would lead this culture to disappear in the foreseeable future.
>>>  correct
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