¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

\"Importance of Rest and Balance in a Busy Life¡°

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-02-01 1284

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

For us living in the modern world, the harmony between working and having a break is so important.
If I drive a long distance without a break, I would arrive at my destination quickly, but serious problems or accidents can occur for both driver and car.
Having a break and balance in a busy life helps me look back on where I am going and help me work more efficiently on what I do.
I need management in my life to have rest and balance.
Just as the boss reduce non-critical departments in the company and expand more important departments, I also need the courage to eliminate non-critical activities in my life and invest in me for more important activities.
Investment in me includes rest, education, and hobbies, and eventually becomes the driving force for me to do my work healthy for a long time.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

David, your writing presents a great reflection on balance and self-care. Your points are strong, and your message is meaningful. Keep up the great work in expressing your thoughts.


~ T. Lia


For us living in the modern world, the harmony between working and having a break is so important.
>> CORRECT


If I drive a long distance without a break, I would arrive at my destination quickly, but serious problems or accidents can occur for both driver and car.
>> If I drive a long distance without a break, I would arrive at my destination quickly, but serious problems or accidents can occur for both the driver and the car.


Having a break and balance in a busy life helps me look back on where I am going and help me work more efficiently on what I do.
>> Having a break and balance in a busy life helps me look back on where I am going and helps me work more efficiently on what I do.


I need management in my life to have rest and balance.
>> I need to manage my life to have rest and balance.


Just as the boss reduce non-critical departments in the company and expand more important departments, I also need the courage to eliminate non-critical activities in my life and invest in me for more important activities.
>> Just as the boss reduces non-critical departments in the company and expands more important departments, I also need the courage to eliminate non-critical activities in my life and invest in myself for more important activities.


Investment in me includes rest, education, and hobbies, and eventually becomes the driving force for me to do my work healthy for a long time.
>> Investment in myself includes rest, education, and hobbies, and eventually becomes the driving force for me to do my work healthily for a long time.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143090 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 508
143089 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 0
143088 What is your favorite Mexican food? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 625
143087 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 605
143086 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 1
143085 Yes, I believe in ghosts. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 518
143084 collecting È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 531
143083 English is very useful for global high-school student. ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 4
143082 What are the pros of socializing with other people? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 629
143081 What¡¯s the one ingredient you always hen. s have in your... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 3
143080 Should Korea create laws for digital inheritance rights, or... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 473
143079 Homework. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 1
143078 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 702
143077 How often do you get takeout? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 1
143076 2025.03.17 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 503
143075 The homework of 14th Fab. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 491
143074 Opic intrduction Á¤*È­ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 4
143073 What is the best golf club for beginners? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 660
143072 free size ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 568
143071 How can extreme weather conditions affect the economy and our... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 561

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04