¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I did my homework.🤗

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¿À*¿µ
2025-02-06 1376

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Hello jewel~
I know the reason why the file was not uploaded, yesterday.
Because the picture needed too large memory.
So, I controled the file and attatached again.
And I wrote the topic that
¡°What¡¯s purchase you wish you hadn¡¯t made, why?¡±
There are a lot of things in my room. Above all, I can choose many childeren¡¯s books for my son. My son read almost books at least once. But I couldn¡¯t put away them from my bookshelves. Because I was sure that he would read them again. However, It is not happened.Even though they become a kind of wall. He no longer needs them as growing up.It would tidy all things up better. But I feel hard to remove them, yet. I¡¯m still expect him to read the books.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Stella! Thank you for sharing these sentiments about your family. I hope you can deal with these concerns and enjoy a happy life with your family. ^^ Have a great weekend!

~T. Jewel

When I was young, my dad passed away early.

>>My dad passed away when I was young.

OR

>>When I was young, my dad passed away at an early age.
I was 14 years old.

>>CORRECT
Our family usually used to send time all together with grandparents and other cousins every big holidays.

>>Our family usually spent time together with our grandparents and other cousins on every big holiday.
But, we didn't do like that anymore after the event.

>>But we didn¡¯t do that anymore after the event.
When our family visted grand parents house, they didn't greet us.

>>When our family visited our grandparents' house, they didn't greet us.
I could felt the atmospere even though I was child.

>>I could feel the atmosphere even though I was a child.
So, my mother, younger brother and I sent time to celebrebrate the holiday.

>>So, my mother, younger brother, and I spent time celebrating the holiday.

Only with us.

>>It's just the three of us.

I sometimes thought we was looked so lonely.

>>I sometimes thought we looked so lonely.
On the other hand, we could spend time together simply because we did what we wanted to do, for example sleeping late in the afternoon.

>>On the other hand, we could spend time together simply because we did what we wanted to do, such as sleeping late in the afternoon.

Now, I have a family-in law and I send time with many people.

>>Now, I have a family-in-law, and I spend time with many people.

It is happy to me but, I sometimes remember that time.

>>It makes me happy, but I sometimes remember that time.

~~~~


There are a lot of things in my room. 

>>CORRECT

Above all, I can choose many childeren¡¯s books for my son. 

>>Above all, I can choose many children's books for my son.

My son read almost books at least once.

>>My son has read almost all the books at least once.

But I couldn¡¯t put away them from my bookshelves. 

>>But I couldn¡¯t put them away from my bookshelves.

Because I was sure that he would read them again. 

>>CORRECT

However, It is not happened.

>>However, it did not happen.

Even though they become a kind of wall. 

>>They look like a wall.

He no longer needs them as growing up.

>>He no longer needs them as he is growing up.

It would tidy all things up better. 

>>I would tidy everything up better.

But I feel hard to remove them, yet.

>>But I find it hard to remove them yet.

I¡¯m still expect him to read the books.

>>I'm still expecting him to read the books.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144733 changing ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-23 0
144732 precaution ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-23 1
144731 mountain ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-23 1
144730 Hitting ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-23 1
144729 baby ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-23 115
144728 Should we preserve the traditions and practices during big... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-23 131
144727 Would you rather invite a friend to your house or visit your... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-23 138
144726 Is being flexible an important skill in life? Why? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-23 149
144725 What¡¯s your favorite song? Why do you like it? ÀÌ*Å ¿Ï·á 2025-06-23 121
144724 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-23 112
144723 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-23 116
144722 I like sweet potato tempura the most. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-06-22 114
144721 0622 IELTS writing Task1 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-22 0
144720 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-06-22 2
144719 What¡¯s one thing kids today will never understand about older... ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-06-22 0
144718 Which word would best define you as a friend? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-22 106
144717 What countries are you afraid of and why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-22 105
144716 How do you spend quality time with your family? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-22 0
144715 Is steak more of a comfort food or a celebration meal for you? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-22 0
144714 If you could organize a workshop, what topic would you choose? À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-22 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04