¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2025-02-09 1655

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Someone says that learning at school is a must. They say that learning at school is something they will use in their careers and that school can be fundamental to developing it.
However, someone says that learning at school is not necessary. It is said that learning at school is not necessary to enjoy everyday life.
I think it is essential to learn at school. This is because I don't learn general things such as math and science at school, but I also learn social life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Lee! Thanks for doing your homework! Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and effectively presents your argument. You¡¯ve shown strong analytical skills and made good connections between ideas. While your essay is well-developed, you could strengthen the clarity of your argument by incorporating more specific examples in the second paragraph. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Someone says that learning at school is a must. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
They say that learning at school is something they will use in their careers and that school can be fundamental to developing it.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, someone says that learning at school is not necessary. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
It is said that learning at school is not necessary to enjoy everyday life.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
I think it is essential to learn at school. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
This is because I don't learn general things such as math and science at school, but I also learn from social life.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144212 The homework for 21st May. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 735
144211 Homework ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 1
144210 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 814
144209 how do you choose where to go when you travel? ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 690
144208 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 673
144207 Should voting (for government officials) be made mandatory? Why... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 735
144206 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 764
144205 D5 essay homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 807
144204 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 2
144203 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-20 3
144202 What is your favorite activity to do in your free time? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-05-20 0
144201 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-20 641
144200 Do you have any specific rules or guidelines for visitors Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-20 2
144199 Aside from car purchase discounts, what are the typical benefits... ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-20 742
144198  I heard that trot singing competitions are popular TV... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-20 2
144197 The homework for 20th May. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-20 772
144196 Do you think phone calls are better than face-to-face... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-20 0
144195 What\'s the most infamous international organization in the... ÀÓ* ¿Ï·á 2025-05-20 2
144194 Do you think winning is more about skill, luck, or perseverance?... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-20 1
144193 In what situations is a live broadcast more effective than a... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-20 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04