¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The homework for February 17th.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*È£
2025-02-19 908

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q : How do you define violence? Why do you think violence occurs in some situations?

A : In my view, the word "Violence" is a natural action that humans are having. (P)
In the past, The humans have to use violence for surviving. Like war, hunting, fighting for taking beautiful womans etc..
As we are descendents of them, we have a violence. (R)
Regardless of the age, all peoples are using violence when they want to defeat someone. (E)
So, the violence can occur in anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans are having. (P)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Eddy,

Your answer shows a strong effort in expressing your thoughts in English, and I can see that you are thinking deeply about the topic. It¡¯s great to see you trying to explain why violence happens by looking at human history and natural instincts. That¡¯s a very thoughtful perspective!

You are also doing well in organizing your ideas. I like how you explain that violence has existed since ancient times and how you connect it to modern situations. This shows that you are not just answering the question, but you are also thinking about the reasons behind it, which is very important in writing and discussion.

It¡¯s impressive that you are expressing complex ideas in English. Keep practicing, and you will get even better at explaining your thoughts clearly and smoothly. You're improving, and I can see that you're putting in the effort. Great job! Keep up the good work!

~Teacher Cathy

 

In my view, the word "Violence" is a natural action that humans are having.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In my view, violence is a natural behavior that humans possess.

In the past, The humans have to use violence for surviving.

>>In the past, humans had to use violence to survive.

Like war, hunting, fighting for taking beautiful womans etc..

>>Like war, hunting, and fighting to take beautiful women, etc.

As we are descendents of them, we have a violence.

>>As we are descendants of them, we have violence within us.

Regardless of the age, all peoples are using violence when they want to defeat someone.

>>Regardless of age, everyone uses violence when they want to defeat someone.

So, the violence can occur in anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans are having.

>>So, violence can occur anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans have.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144005 Write about your trip to Seoul during the long holiday? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 397
144004 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 406
144003 Can you think of a time when you misunderstood someone because... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 0
144002 What would you do if a neighbor is partying until the wee hours? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 368
144001 If you could build your dream city, what would be in it? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 2
144000 opic questions ¼®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 416
143999 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 371
143998 clean ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 2
143997 food waste ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 1
143996 To change my husband\'s decision ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 335
143995 H.W Àü*Çâ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 366
143994 Homework / 20250507 ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 2
143993 This year, our product start mass production ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 337
143992 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 325
143991 What is the importance of friends? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 0
143990 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 443
143989 What do you always buy in stores, even if you can make it? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 1
143988 What are your strengths? Do you think you are consistent? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-08 2
143987 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 433
143986 converation1 °í*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-07 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04