¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The homework for February 17th.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*È£
2025-02-19 877

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q : How do you define violence? Why do you think violence occurs in some situations?

A : In my view, the word "Violence" is a natural action that humans are having. (P)
In the past, The humans have to use violence for surviving. Like war, hunting, fighting for taking beautiful womans etc..
As we are descendents of them, we have a violence. (R)
Regardless of the age, all peoples are using violence when they want to defeat someone. (E)
So, the violence can occur in anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans are having. (P)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Eddy,

Your answer shows a strong effort in expressing your thoughts in English, and I can see that you are thinking deeply about the topic. It¡¯s great to see you trying to explain why violence happens by looking at human history and natural instincts. That¡¯s a very thoughtful perspective!

You are also doing well in organizing your ideas. I like how you explain that violence has existed since ancient times and how you connect it to modern situations. This shows that you are not just answering the question, but you are also thinking about the reasons behind it, which is very important in writing and discussion.

It¡¯s impressive that you are expressing complex ideas in English. Keep practicing, and you will get even better at explaining your thoughts clearly and smoothly. You're improving, and I can see that you're putting in the effort. Great job! Keep up the good work!

~Teacher Cathy

 

In my view, the word "Violence" is a natural action that humans are having.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In my view, violence is a natural behavior that humans possess.

In the past, The humans have to use violence for surviving.

>>In the past, humans had to use violence to survive.

Like war, hunting, fighting for taking beautiful womans etc..

>>Like war, hunting, and fighting to take beautiful women, etc.

As we are descendents of them, we have a violence.

>>As we are descendants of them, we have violence within us.

Regardless of the age, all peoples are using violence when they want to defeat someone.

>>Regardless of age, everyone uses violence when they want to defeat someone.

So, the violence can occur in anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans are having.

>>So, violence can occur anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans have.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143731 What strategies can companies use to expand internationally? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 413
143730 > How often do you buy the stuff you need? What would you do if... ±è*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 467
143729 Is there a traditional tale or story that you consider the best?... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 568
143728 What are your unreasonable demands on your husband? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 1
143727 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 3
143726 blizzard ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 0
143725 0417 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 0
143724 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 373
143723 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 516
143722 2025.04.17 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 509
143721 Talk about a person you want to receive a message from. ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 505
143720 Is it okay to say no when someone asks for a favor? Why or why... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 1
143719 snow ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 0
143718 HOMEWORK: Name 3 things that you are afraid of. I am afraid of... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 0
143717 Do you usually share your problems with your friends? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 0
143716 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-20 5
143715 Why do you think people get cravings? Do you think cravings are... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-20 1
143714 What are the two worst things that can happen without the sun? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-20 327
143713 Do you think watching animation is good for kids? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-20 365
143712 What are your thoughts on the small size of your country? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-20 428

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04