¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2025-02-26 589

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The reason why people work a lot is that their economic power is weakened that much.
Economic power here does not enrich our lives, but it refers to the money we spend and the economic ability we earn to enjoy life.
We have made economic progress, but we don't make much money to enrich our lives, which is why we take a lot of working hours.
To do this, bosses need to comply with the law and collaborate with workers.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Lee~!^^ You did an excellent job establishing the context and clearly outlining the central theme of your essay. By presenting a thoughtful opening, you set a strong foundation for the argument that follows, making it easy for the reader to understand the direction of your analysis. The way you framed the issue not only engages but also encourages a deeper exploration of the topic in the body of the essay.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
The reason why people work a lot is that their economic power is weakened that much.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Economic power here does not enrich our lives, but it refers to the money we spend and the economic ability we earn to enjoy life.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
We have made economic progress, but we don't make much money to enrich our lives, which is why we take a lot of working hours.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
To do this, bosses need to comply with the law and collaborate with workers.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143443 Can emojis change the tone of a message, and how do you feel... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-06 3
143442 What do you think are the biggest challenges in collaborating... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-05 2
143441 What¡¯s your favorite thing about your home? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-05 215
143440 3/26 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-05 1
143439 3/24 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-05 1
143438 3/21 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 3
143437 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 0
143436 What was the best spring season memory you have? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 204
143435 Daily routine ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 183
143434 Sleep well ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 192
143433 Allergy ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 160
143432 Do you think demonstrations are a good way to express opinions?... ¾ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 214
143431 What is one place in your city that holds special memories for... ¾ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1
143430 Can emojis change the tone of a message, and how do you feel... ¾ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1
143429 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 198
143428 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 192
143427 No, I don\'t like cats. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 185
143426 What kind of change would you like to see in your political... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 155
143425 perks ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 191
143424 Have you considered the weight of the violin when choosing one? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 223

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04