¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How did breaking a sweat at the public bathroom help you feel more relaxed?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-03 1012

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I do a lot of work or think a lot about it, I find my muscles very tense.
At that times, I have to relax my muscles, and I think going to a public bath is the best way.
If I soak myself in warm water or use a sauna, I can sweat a lot and relax my muscles.
Sometimes if I get a massage from a masseur, there's nothing better.
However, if I stay in the public bathroom for too long, I sweat too much, so I feel more tired.
Our muscles also need some tension for health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David! Your response is well-structured and effectively conveys your thoughts on the topic. Just be mindful of minor grammar details, such as using "those times" instead of "that times," and making slight wording adjustments for better clarity. Keep up the great work!

~ T. Lia

When I do a lot of work or think a lot about it, I find my muscles very tense.
>> CORRECT


At that times, I have to relax my muscles, and I think going to a public bath is the best way.
>> At those times, I have to relax my muscles, and I think going to a public bath is the best way.


If I soak myself in warm water or use a sauna, I can sweat a lot and relax my muscles.
>> CORRECT


Sometimes if I get a massage from a masseur, there's nothing better.
>> Sometimes, if I get a massage from a masseur, there's nothing better.


However, if I stay in the public bathroom for too long, I sweat too much, so I feel more tired.
>> However, if I stay in the public bath for too long, I sweat too much, so I feel more tired.


Our muscles also need some tension for health.
>> Our muscles also need some tension to stay healthy.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141090 What is the best way to deal with feelings of anger? ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 1741
141089 Homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 1778
141088 Are you excited about anything coming up in the near future? Àå*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 4
141087 Do you like phone calls better than in-person conversations? Why... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 1970
141086 How do you think fears affect a person¡¯s life? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 1
141085 19.Nov.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 0
141084 Homework ¾È*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 2336
141083 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 4
141082 Homework ¾ç*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 2198
141081 What¡¯s the most unexpected lesson you¡¯ve learned from your job? ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 2142
141080 Would you rather watch a movie or read a book? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 2331
141079 In your opinion, what does \"TIME IS NOW\" mean? ¼­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 2
141078 What makes a particular song or artist special to you? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 0
141077 HOOMEWORK ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 2294
141076 What will you do if you book a room hotel that is non-cancelable... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 2
141075 What\'s the difference between hoarding and collecting? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 5
141074 What is the best part of your job? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 6
141073 What makes a particular song or artist special to you? ¹è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 2713
141072 You mentioned that you do not like \"used items\", what about if... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 3
141071 What do you think about people who collect weird things like... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04